


Always Keep The Faith

by silversoul_snow



Series: To The End Of The Rainbow [1]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blink And You Miss It Slash, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, OT5, OT5 Friendship, Post-lawsuit, Reunions, Super Junior cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:46:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversoul_snow/pseuds/silversoul_snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a good 6 years since DBSK has broken up. Yet feelings of love and longing still linger between them. Add in SM deciding to add new trainees to the group and you have a good melodrama and watching Jaejoong sulking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Keep The Faith

**Author's Note:**

> A large clump of the chapters that I had written over 3 years of convenience sake.

Chapter 1 - Snow

 

The snow fluttered gently down, its flakes getting caught in the winter wind that would be blowing every so often. He tilted his head back and allowed the flakes to fall gently down on his face, opening his mouth and shivering just so slightly when he felt the coldness of the snow making contact with his sensitive tongue.

 

It was ironic wasn’t it? How something could be so beautiful yet so sad? Just like his life, he thought with a bitter smile. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to bask in the soft feeling of the snow falling, wishing that he, like the snow, could just melt into nothingness or at the very least, merge into a crowd and be forgotten, never noticed.

 

“Jaejoong hyung! Come back in! You’re going to get a cold like that!”

 

The said man raised his head and opened his eyes at his member’s yell. Oh that’s right, he’s standing in the snow with just a pair of jeans and a shirt, not even wearing shoes, barefooted. No wonder he felt so cold.

 

He shrugged to himself before making his way into the house, throwing a grateful smile to Yoochun who had called him. Junsu was standing there with a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate at hand. Jaejoong accepted it, glad that he had brothers there to look out for him, a pang of pain penetrated his heart when he remembered that there would usually be 2 more, usually yelling at him and asking him what the hell he was thinking of standing there in the snow dressed like that. The pain disappeared as quickly as it had appeared as he subconsciously buried it somewhere deep into his heart.

 

He trudged up the stairs slowly, mug in hand and the warm blanket draped around his shoulders. Pushing open his door, he walked to the window, but not before pausing and staring at a particular photo frame on his desk. It was a picture of them smiling together, playing on the beach somewhere in Saipan without a care for anything else in the world as life was perfect then since they had each other, and that was all they ever needed. A picture with all 5 of them. A bittersweet smile graced the male’s feminine features as he turned the picture over, the memory too painful for him to remember, but yet again too precious for him to forget. He wanted to hold on to the memories of the happy times of when they were five, no matter how meaningless they might seem. Even if it’s just a memory of them fighting over food, or of them sleeping together in one bed because they were just too tired from rehearsal, a memory of them shopping together. It doesn’t matter how small the memory might seem, but they were all Jaejoong had left of the joyful times they spent together.

 

He looked out of the window, staring at the snow slowly flying down. Winter has come. It’s December again wasn’t it? Another cold December without them. Another December that would only consist of three, not five. Another lonely December.

 

How long had it been? It’s been 9 years since DBSK debuted, around 6 years since Cassiopeia was formed and almost 3 years since they left their two precious brothers.

 

3 years. It’s been that long hasn’t it? There had never been a day that went past without him thinking of his two other brothers. Every thing that they did reminded him of what they had done. The lawsuit. Was it wrong to file it? Jaejoong was tired of the company treating them as scumbags and slaves. No, not the company. More precisely, Kim Young Min. But that was all, he only wanted to leave the company, to get out from the CEO’s hold, but never did he wish to leave the members of that company, never his two dearest brothers.

 

Was it wrong to file it? Now, due to the lawsuit, Cassiopeia have split, into Orions and Holy Shinkers. Jaejoong never bothered to learn which fandom was for which particular group. Why bother? To him, they’re both Cassiopeia, whether they like it or not. As much as he was grateful to the fans for supporting them, it pained him to know that their happy family had been split. He never wanted their fans to fight with one another. When they were five, Cassiopeia was a happy family. They were often known as the elder sister of all other fandoms, often coming to their aid when in need of help, often supporting them when they had problems, like how they supported the E.L.Fs after news got out that Hankyung had filed his lawsuit against SME. But who was going to help Cassiopeia when they themselves were in need of help. He never wanted to start a fan war indirectly. He never wanted a split in their ties. He never wanted any of this. It was never part of the plan.

 

Jaejoong sighed as he leaned his head against the wall, sitting next to the window, one leg propped up as he stared outside the window. Taking a sip from the chocolate, he stared at the darkening sky. The stars were going to come out soon. Was it possible for him to see Cassiopeia from where he is? He didn’t know whether he wanted to or not. It was like a double-edged sword, giving him hope and courage, but at the same time, it filled him with despair that was slowly tearing at him from the inside.

 

He knew that he should speak with someone about the pain that he was feeling. But who should he talk to? He didn’t want to bother Hyun Joong. After all, the man himself was busy with his promotions. He couldn’t talk to either Junsu or Yoochun. Both of them were also suffering a lot, neither were taking it well. He wondered at times how Yunho and Changmin were holding up. Are they still being treated by SM badly? Do they miss them? Do they hate JYJ for leaving them? He had so many questions that he wanted to ask. But he knew that he wasn’t going to get his answers anytime soon.

 

What could he do? As much as he regretted it, there was nothing he could do about the current situation. All he could do was to wait and hope.

 

 _Our original intent was to JUST leave the COMPANY,_ **_not the members of our group_ ** _. -  Jaejoong_

 

* * *

 

Chapter 2 - Lonely

 

He leaned against the window, head resting on his hand as he stared out of the window. The scene wheezed past him quickly as the car sped past. He sighed heavily, moist breath fogging the cold window. The snow gently fell outside the car, casting a white layer over the ground. He wanted to be out there, feeling the cold contact of the snow tingling with the surface of his skin, not inside the warmth of the car.

 

“Hyung....”

 

His ears barely caught the soft whisper that came out of the maknae’s mouth. He turned and looked at the member, the only other brother he had left with him in the company. Changmin’s eyes were full with concern for the leader. Yunho gave him a tight smile, before turning away.

 

“It’s fine Changmin.”

 

He felt guilty for lying to the maknae, but he knew that he had to do it. He had no other choice. But truthfully, would everything be ok?

 

He didn’t know. When had it ever been ok? Things had never been the same since _they_ left. The soft music of the radio that Changmin had just turned on floated into his ears.

 

“Hello, everyone! How are you?”

 

Sungmin and Ryeowook. His Super Junior dongsaengs were hosting the daily radio, Sukira.

 

“It’s December already! Christmas is coming! So from the viewer’s demands, we have decided to replay a popular song!”

 

December eh? Another cold Christmas without them. Another cold Christmas that will only consist of two, not five. Another lonely Christmas. He sighed again as he leaned back on the seat and closed his eyes.

 

Had it really been this long already? 9 years since DBSK debuted, around 6 years since Cassiopeia had been officially formed and almost 3 years since their heart had died.

 

**jinagaberoin eorin sijeoren**

**pungseoneul tago naraganeun yeppeun kkumdo kkeotji**

 

His eyes flew open as the painful yet familiar voices drifted into his ear. Changmin quickly reached over and turned off the radio, but it was too late. The damage had already been done. Yunho let out a shaky breath and he gripped his arm rest tightly, knuckles turning white from the strength that he had exerted, fingernails digging into the expensive leather, leaving prints behind. He barely noticed Changmin reaching over and massaging his tense shoulders. It was only after getting his emotions into control, did he then dare to open his eyes, only to find Changmin’s dark browned ones staring back at him

 

“Hyung....”

 

“Yes, Changmin?”

 

“You miss them don’t you.”

 

Silence.

 

It had sounded more of a statement than a question. Truthfully? He didn’t know. He didn’t know what to feel anymore. Of course he felt sadness and betrayal when they left, it was as if they had taken his heart with him. The day that his three brothers stepped out of the door was the day his heart died. He didn’t feel anything any more, all that was left was just a shadow of the once charismatic leader of DBSK.

 

He knew that he had to be strong for the maknae, but who would be there to be strong for him? In the past, when things become too much for him to handle, he always had Jaejoong there for him. Jaejoong might be Yoochun’s soulmate, but he was Yunho’s best friend and other half.Whenever Yunho had a problem, Jaejoong was always the one to support him.Whenever Yunho was angry, Jaejoong was always the only one who could calm him down. Whenever Yunho was tired, Jaejoong was always there to be the one who would lend him a hand. Whenever Yunho just gave up on everything, Jaejoong had always been the one to encourage him. But now....

 

Now, there was no one here to support him, no one here to calm him, no one here to lend him a hand, no one here to encourage him. He was all alone. Changmin’s with him, he knew that, but he didn’t want the maknae to feel anymore stress than what he had been undergoing already.

 

The car screeched to a halt outside their dorm and they stepped out, feet sinking and leaving deep imprints onto the pure white snow, trudging slowly all the way up the stairs to their door. Yunho hesitated for a while before unlocking the door. An unsettling silence greeted them, unnerving them to no end. It had never been so quiet, with Junsu’s high pitched laughter, Jaejoong’s nagging and Yoochun’s random singing here and there, never had there been a moment of silence.

 

Changmin brushed past Yunho wearily and threw the elder an apologetic smile before heading to his room. As he heard the door close, Yunho heaved himself onto the sofa. The silence was getting to his nerves. In the past, he would do anything just get a minute of silence. Now he got his wish. It wasn’t even a minute, more than that. He should be happy, shouldn’t he? But then why was he now wishing for the noise to come back. To calm his tingling nerves and relax the knot in his stomach, he took up the remote control and aimed at the television, pressing play.

 

The screen flickered on. It was the news segment. Yunho’s eyes widened in surprise and shock when he saw what the reporter was reporting on. A picture of three familiar figures were staring back at him, figures that he could recognize anywhere, anytime.

 

“Today, JYJ held their first concert ever as the three...”

 

Beep.

 

Yunho immediately offed the television before throwing the remote control onto the carpeted floor, feeling his eyes pricking with tears. What he was feeling wasn’t sadness, neither was it anger. Just a empty feeling. Loneliness. He longed to be on the stage with them, as five, not as two or three. He missed them a lot, more than he would ever care to admit. Home didn’t feel like home anymore without all five of them present. Home is where the heart is. His heart belonged to the other four, but why wasn’t he home with it?

 

Yunho sighed again, and stared at the poster that was hanging above the television. A picture of them together, happily laughing, taken when they were filming their DVD in Saipan. A time when happiness actually existed.

 

But now, would they ever be able to experience the happiness again? Would they ever be able to wear genuine smiles again? Would they ever be able to meet again?

 

He had a lot of questions, all that were left unanswered. All he could do was to wait and hope.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 3 - The Ache

 

The snow fell outside as he stared onto the street, drawing random shapes on the window’s foggy pane. The wind whistled outside softly as it blew past and he shivered when a gust of wind entered the room through the slightly open window. The silence in the house was too unnerving. Usually, either Changmin or Yoochun would be bothering him. But ever since the lawsuit, Yoochun had retreated into his shell and Changmin... He had no idea. He missed their two other brothers a lot, so much that that at times, he would even dream of the times they were together, but the only difference with them not being dreams but memories. Happy memories, memories that they will always treasure forever, memories that is the only thing that ties them together. They weren’t allowed to contact the two at all. He knew that Jaejoong had been trying his best to contact them but it’s always the dial tone that he ends up getting. It felt weird. Usually, there won’t be a moment of peace in the house as the two youngest are always bickering, either over food or video games. It just didn’t felt right without Changmin quarrelling with him, as if something was missing from his life. The boy blinked his eyes in an attempt to prevent his oncoming tears from falling.

 

He turned his head back in time just in time to see a picture frame that was leaning against the wall on the table fall onto the ground with a dull sound. His eyes widened in shock and he rushed over to it, slumping down on the ground and picked it up, checking it over and over again for any signs of damage. There was none, thankfully. The boy let out a relived breath before standing up slowly, clutching the picture frame tightly to his chest as he stumbled onto his bed and sat on it.

 

Brushing his finger gently over the picture, he allowed it to trace over the familiar outlines of the figures in the picture. Droplets of water dripped onto the frame, it was only then he noticed that he was crying before quickly wiping his tears on his hand. The pain, the regret, the loneliness was too much for him to bear. All he wanted was for them to be together again. Was that too much to ask? Apparently so.

 

“Jingle bells, jingle bells...”

 

The cheerful singing of the Christmas hymn drifted into his thoughts and pulled him into reality. He got up and switched off the radio, with completely no idea of how it was on in the first place. The hymn was supposed to bring joy and happiness to everyone, but he was not included in the ‘everyone’. All it brought back was painful memories and lingering feelings.

 

Christmas was around the corner. A happy event for almost everyone. But definitely not them. It was their anniversary after that, something that they should be happy for. But how could they? How could they feel happy when the feeling of emptiness always around? It would be another cold anniversary without them. Another anniversary that would only consist of three, not five. Another lonely anniversary.

 

Knock knock.

 

The boy on the bed looked up in surprise and the sudden sound and the door pushed open slightly to reveal his best friend.

 

“Hey Su, have you seen Jaejoong hyung anywhere?”

 

Jaejoong hyung? He’s missing again? Junsu sighed as he got up and walked over to envelop Yoochun in a hug.

 

“No, Chun. Could he be in kitchen?”

 

Yoochun responded to the touch, but Junsu knew that no matter how many times they closed up the gap between them, it would never be able to remove that particular feeling of emptiness.

 

“No, Junsu. I checked already. Where could he- AAH!”

 

The sudden shout from Yoochun shocked Junsu as the former pulled away from the hug and ran over to the window looking over the garden. There standing was Jaejoong, barefooted and just clothed in a single layer, head tilted back, eyes closed.

 

“Aish. He’s gonna get a cold!”

 

Yoochun shrieked before rushing off to bundle Jaejoong back into the warm house and away from the freezing weather. Junsu sighed before walking down to the kitchen to make a mug of hot chocolate and grab a blanket to warm his soon-to-be frozen hyung.

 

At times, he wished that Jaejoong could be a little more responsible. But he didn’t blame him. Not at all. He knew that among all of them, Jaejoong was suffering the most. He lost his support in which he could always confide in, and now he kept everything to himself, Junsu would be stupid to not have noticed that. He knew that Jaejoong didn’t want to bother either Yoochun or Junsu with his problems, storing them in his heart, but instead it killing him from the inside. Always the selfless hyung. As much as Junsu wanted Jaejoong to pour all his problems out, somehow he’s glad. He didn’t think that he could withstand any more stress, be it physically or mentally, without breaking down.

 

“Jaejoong hyung! Come back in! You’re going to get a cold like that!”

 

He smiled at Yoochun’s shout and took the hot mug to the living room just in time to catch Jaejoong entering the room. His heart ached at the scene that was staring at his face. Jaejoong’s lips were tinted blue and purple from the cold, with his skin as pale as the snow, shivering uncontrollably and hair matted down by the snow. His eyes were swollen and tear tracks were evident on the face. He had known that the elder was hurting, but had never been able to know or see the real extent of it.

 

He flashed Jaejoong a caring smile and grimaced in returned when Jaejoong returned him one, one that was fulling of sadness, pain and longing. He knew that it must be too much for the elder to handle, as it was rarely that he would let his true feelings show. Watching his hyung trudging up the stairs tiredly, his heart was given another yank.

 

“Su, I’m going out for a while and meet with some of my friends.”  
  
Junsu turned at Yoochun’s voice and gave him a slight smile, telling him to go on and enjoy himself. It was a rare chance for the latter to go out of the house as he’s always been locked inside either his room or the studio. He really wanted him to have fun time, though he knew that going out with friends was Yoochun’s way of forgetting the pain, even if temporarily.

 

The minute the elder left the house, Junsu gave a sigh and sat down on the ground with a thump, too emotionally drained from his previous musing and from seeing Jaejoong’s broken state. He couldn’t stand this. All the stress and pressure was piling up on him. The wounds in his heart opened again and again, despite his many desperate attempts at trying to heal them. Any thing could just trigger the pain. From the music, to the posters, and just by watching past videos, the pain would attack him over and over again. He knew that they would never stop, instead intensifying, until the day when they stood together as five again.

 

He wished for that dream to come true, but he was powerless. All he could do was to wait and hope.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 4 - Longing

 

A sigh fluttered into his ears, past his ear phones and he turned to see Yunho looking out of the window, head resting on his hand. He gave an inward sigh himself before turning back to his original position. They had just completed a performance on music bank but with a lot of mistakes that thankfully no one really noticed. The fans were too busy gushing over their well toned abs and everything else. Even after 3 years, they still hadn’t gotten used to standing on the stage as two. He would often find himself turning to side to cue Jaejoong to sing before realizing that all he was looking at was another back up. Or moving to the left slightly, before realizing that he was subconsciously was giving way to Junsu and Yoochun to move up to the front and sing their part.

 

He decided that the silence in the car was too overwhelming. Usually after a performance whenever they were bundled into the car, it would always be filled with shouts and cries discussing where they should go next to have fun and relax or what Jaejoong should cook for them when they get back to the dorm, along with the eldest protesting that he wasn’t their maid, only shutting up when the leader decided he had enough and shouted at them to keep quiet. The silence would only last for a few seconds before somebody broke the silence and it started all over again. The silence then was short, but this silence now was long, taking up most of the ride back home. Neither of them knew what to say, usually the mood makers would be either Junsu with his random talking or Jaejoong with his sarcastic comments in and out.

 

“Hyung...”

 

A whisper escaped the maknae’s mouth before he could even stop it. He wanted to slap himself for it but what was done was done. Yunho turned to look at him before replying with a tight smile.

 

“It’s fine Changmin.”

 

He hadn’t even asked the question but he knew that he didn’t have to. It was a question that was often hard to differentiate from indifference and sincerity, a question that was too over used, a question that was too easily to be lied to. And with that being said, he knows that Yunho was lying. He would be too when asked that question - Is everything ok?

 

Deciding that listening to the radio would be better than to be stuck in the silence, Changmin reached over and turned on the radio.

 

“Hello, everyone! How are you?”

 

Sukira eh? His Super Junior hyungs, Sungmin and Ryeowook were hosting the radio daily.

 

“It’s December already! Christmas is coming! So from the viewer’s demands, we have decided to replay a popular song!”

 

December? It’s almost the end of the year. The year... Another year would soon be added to their anniversary date, another year to be added to the count of when DBSK was separated. Another cold year without them. Another year that would only consist of two, not five. Another lonely year.

 

**jinagaberoin eorin sijeoren**

**pungseoneul tago naraganeun yeppeun kkumdo kkeotji**

 

Changmin’s eyes widened in surprise and he cursed repeatedly under his breath, angry at his hyungs for playing that song, angry at himself for turning on the radio, angry at himself for allowing Yunho to listen to that song and reopening wounds that had been desperately trying to heal. He reached over almost immediately and offed the radio but the damage had already been done.

 

He turned over to the leader nervously and saw Yunho gripping his arm rest tightly, knuckles turning white from the strength that he had exerted, fingernails digging into the expensive leather, leaving prints. His heart broke as he took in the scene in front of him. Yunho had never once cried since their three brothers left them, instead choosing to bottle everything inside him, no different from how Jaejoong had been Changmin remembered with a bitter smile, and had been strong for Changmin. Once again, Changmin hated himself for being so weak and causing his leader more burden. He wanted Yunho to cry, to properly release all the emotions that he had been holding in, but he knew that if Yunho did that, he would break apart. He shifted over and massaged Yunho’s tense shoulders, doubting that the elder even noticed it but he didn’t care. He looked at Yunho’s face that was in a grimace, moving slightly back in surprise when Yunho opened his eyes.

 

“Hyung....”

 

“Yes, Changmin?”

 

He wanted to hit Yunho for being so calm, for acting like nothing was wrong. But he knew that he couldn’t do that to the only brother he had left. Further more, hitting Yunho was Jaejoong’s job, never his.

 

“You miss them don’t you.”

 

Silence.

 

It was a statement more than a question. It wasn’t a hidden secret that Yunho and Changmin missed their brothers more than crazy. Everyone knew that. It was tearing them deep down when they were told that they weren’t even allowed contact them.

 

Changmin sighed and moved away, not before giving Yunho’s shoulder an affectionate squeeze, returning back to his place and resuming to what he had been doing. He plugged in his ear phones and continued to listen to music.

 

**Yozorani ukanda hoshiga mojiwo egaki dasunoha**

**Guuzen janaito imamo mada shinjiteruyo**

**Onaji yamino nakade onaji kyorino mamade**

**W wo egaki tsuduketeiru**

**Kimini mitsukaruyouni motto kagayaku kara**

**Keep in mind that I love you.**

 

He stared outside the window, watching the world go past as he listened to his hyungs’ voice. He found it kind of ironic on how they weren’t allowed to talk to his three brothers but the company had nothing against listening to their songs. That’s how he found out W was dedicated to them. That song was the most played on his iPod. Yunho had only listened it to once, before turning away and never listening to it again. He knew how much that song had affected the elder, hearing their three brothers’ feelings, emotions and thoughts but not able to be reply back. It was frustrating, to be standing helplessly. He fingered the iPod on his hands, before realizing with a start that the iPod was the one that Jaejoong had bought for him, after spoiling his original one. He remembered on how he had threw a fit at the eldest, only regretting when Jaejoong cried while apologizing on his knees. The umma had baked a chocolate cake for Changmin as an apology but he had never expected that Jaejoong would go even as far as to buy a new one for him, an even more expensive one and transferred all of Changmin’s songs to that one and gave it to him, thus making the iPod more treasured to him, not because it was expensive, but because it was a sign of how much Jaejoong loved him.

 

As they neared the traffic light, he gasped as out of the window, he saw a familiar figure. Yoochun... The name died on his tongue, not able to bring out the courage to say it. But the figure was gone as soon as he saw it when the car whizzed past. He shook his head and just told himself that the emotional stress was getting to him, making him too delusional. But deep in his heart, he really hope what he saw wasn’t just a fragment of his imagination.

 

The car screeched to a halt outside their dorm and they stepped out, feet leaving deep imprints onto the pure white snow, trudging slowly all the way up the stairs to their door. He saw Yunho hesitating slightly before opening the door. He didn’t want to face the silence either. Changmin moved past Yunho, throwing him an apologetic smile for leaving him alone but he knew that the leader understood. He always understood, even more so when they only had each other left.

 

The maknae entered his room and threw himself on the bed, not even bother to change out. He was tired of all these. He was tired at JYJ for filing the lawsuit, but not hating them for doing so. He was tired for seeing Yunho suffer so much, but not hating him for not being to do anything to help. He was tired at the media for making for such a big deal out of the lawsuit, but he knew that the media just like to gossip and exaggerate. He was tired at the company for not allowing them not to contact their brothers, but he knew that all companies have their pride. He was tired at the state that his hyungs were in. Even if he can’t see the other three, he knew in his heart that they were suffering too. It wasn’t that easy to break a 8-year long friendship, or maybe even longer. He was tired of everything and wanted them to end.

 

But even if he wanted to, to finish up the lawsuit and be able to meet his brothers, to clear up misunderstandings and rebuild stronger bridges between them, he was powerless. He was just the maknae, not able to do anything other than being weak and relying on his hyungs for support, hating himself for burdening them. All he could do was wait and hope.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 5 - Music

 

Soft piano sounds flowed through the dorm, melodious to the ears, calming to the soul. One could just close his eyes and bask in the music, allowing himself to go along with the flow. But none of the occupants of the dorm were there to enjoy the music. One was goodness-knows-where, the other physically but drowning in his own thoughts. Yet it held no matter to the pianist himself. To him, music wasn’t played in order to please someone, more of a way of expressing his thoughts and emotions. The lyrics of the songs repeated itself in his mind, over and over again. Lyrics that wasn’t able to be sang alone, lyrics that he would never be able to sing again.

 

The main composer of the group sat at the piano, allowing his hands to rest over the keys, music sheet resting on the stand in front of him. He was in charge of composing both the melody and lyrics, with the help of his two other team mates at times. Writing a three person song was always a chore for him. Music wasn’t supposed to be a chore right? But it wasn’t his fault that he was too used to composing songs for a quintet. He still wrote, trying to tell story after story after story. Creating magic with lyrics and melodies, creating harmonies for two extra voices he hadn’t heard in far too long and wasn’t sure if they still sounded the same. Music critics would often label his songs as romance, love-sick, but only his brothers and Cassiopeia truly know the origin of the songs he wrote. Thoughts from his mind and emotions from his heart would flow onto the paper, shaping themselves into words. Lyrics of laughter and joy in the moments of past, a certain heartbreaking sadness to the lyrics of the future, and of the present - regret and wistfulness.

 

His hands moved over the keyboard and began to play, whichever song that came to his mind first. His ears perked up at the sounds, hauntingly familiar and beautiful, chest constricting tightly as he struggled to breathe. Stop. Stop. He attempted to will his hands to halt the playing but to no avail. The song slowly blends into something just as familiar, but painful too. **Why Did I Fall In Love With You.** The lyrics wandered at the tip of his tongue, tilting to and fro, threatening to spill out of his mouth, but he wasn’t able to bring himself too. The song moved yet again, **Wasurenaide.** Yoochun gave a shaky sigh as he played the song, all too familiar over again. The song shifted for the last time, his eyes widening as he recognized the music. **W.** A song that was dedicated to his two other brothers. A song that contained their love for them. A song that held a bright light to the dark future that none of them were able to predict what it would hold for them.

 

The music paused as the body in front of the piano shook with sobs. He allowed himself to cry for a while, letting his emotions to gain the best of him. He had always been dubbed the cry baby of the group, but the tears he shed weren’t only for himself. Back then, he would cry for Yunho, the stubborn leader who tried to take on everything on his own shoulders. He would cry for Jaejoong, the caring hyung who would often overwork himself for the sake of the group and taking care of the members. He would cry for Junsu who kept all the problems to himself, not wanting to trouble his hyungs. He would cry for Changmin, a youth who was not fully grown but having too much to weigh on his shoulders.

 

But now, he could no longer be there for the leader, urging him to share his problems with his brothers. He could no longer be there for the eldest, who would often engage himself more in work in an attempt to escape the emptiness in the house. He could no longer be there for the second youngest, who would keep quiet now, retreating into himself. He could no longer be there for the maknae, giving advice on how to cope with the sudden passing of his teenage years and watch him grow up.

 

He stood up and sighed, clearing the stand free of music sheets, songs that he would never be able to sing on stage, songs that he would never able to sing again by himself, songs that came with an onslaught of emotions every time he heard it. The music sheets have already been smudged with tears, countless of times, but it held no interest to him as he had already etched it into his memory. He moved towards the door, wanting to escape the silence of the studio. He remembered the times when his members would use to storm the studio to bother him, at times just for fun, at times to drag the workaholic to sleep. But it would end up with all five of them composing the songs together, throwing music notes and lyrics here and there. Seconds would stretch into minutes, into hours, often dragging onto the wee hours of the night only until the umma’s instinct in Jaejoong kicked in and they would all rush to bed, after saving their work, before Jaejoong could kick them to bed, literally. A sad smile appeared on his face as he walked down the memory lane, only to be shocked back into reality when he crashed into the wall.

 

Nursing his bruised head as he walked down the stairs, he called out.

 

“Jaejoong hyung!”

 

No reply. Yoochun fastened his steps in worry. If Jaejoong wasn’t in the dorm, then he could only be outside. Knowing Jaejoong’s emotional state now, it wasn’t really safe for him to be outside. He entered the kitchen, then the living room. No sign of his hyung at all. Now he was really nervous. He ran up the stairs and knocked on the first door he saw - Junsu’s room.

 

Knock knock.

 

He pushed open the door slightly and saw his best friend looking up at him, eyes wide in surprise.

 

“Hey Su, have you seen Jaejoong hyung anywhere?”

 

He saw questions filtering through Junsu’s eyes and was taken by surprise when Junsu suddenly got up and hugged him. He knew that Junsu must had been doing some deep thinking for him to crave skinship so sudden.

 

“No, Yoochun. Could he be in kitchen?”

 

Yoochun responded to the hug, but they both knew that no matter how many times they hugged each other, how close they got, it would never be able to remove that particular feeling of emptiness in their hearts.

 

“No, Junsu. I checked already. Where could he- AAH!”

 

He pulled away from Junsu immediately, sending apology somewhere back in his mind for shocking his best friend and ran over to the window that was over looking the garden. There standing was Jaejoong, barefooted and just clothed in a single layer, head tilted back, eyes closed.

 

“Aish. He’s gonna get a cold!”

 

Yoochun shrieked before rushing off to bundle Jaejoong into the warm house and away from the freezing weather. He heard Junsu sighing and padding softly after him. He needed to get Jaejoong back in immediately before that person get a cold. He didn’t want Jaejoong to get hurt in any other way than he already was.

 

“Jaejoong hyung! Come back in! You’re going to get a cold like that!”

 

The said man raised his head and opened his eyes at his member’s yell. Yoochun gasped at the sight. Jaejoong was standing there, with just a single layer of clothes, barefooted, not even wearing shoes. He was shivering slightly, tears could be seen in his eyes, lips were tainted slightly blue. As Jaejoong made his way to Yoochun slowly, the latter felt his heart break. He knew that they were all hurting, but Jaejoong was hurting the most. He had left his other half behind but not only that, the eldest was blaming himself for everything since he was the one who suggested the lawsuit. Yoochun knew, that no matter what they said, it would never be enough to lessen the guilt that Jaejoong was carrying.

 

He watched as Jaejoong entered the house, before he himself took the blanket from Junsu and wrapped it around his hyung’s shivering shoulders, giving it a slight affectionate squeeze. As he watched his hyung shuffled his way up the stair, presumably to his room, he decided that he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Su, I’m going out for a while and meet with some of my friends.”

 

He watched as Junsu turned to him, and gave him a slight smile, telling him to go on and enjoy himself, he mentally berated himself for leaving the younger to deal with it himself. But was it his fault that he couldn’t stand it anymore?

 

He closed the door, and walked on before realizing that he had forgot to take his jacket with him. Shrugging nonchalantly, he made his way to the park. He had lied when he told Junsu that he was going to his friend’s house. He was never that heartless to leave his two brothers wallowing in depression and memories while he himself goes out and have the time of his life, trying to forget reality.

 

The short walk to the park helped him to arrange his thoughts. As he walked on the pavement, nearing the traffic light, he saw a car move past, heart momentarily stopping as he gazed into the window. He swear that he saw Changmin looking at him before shaking his head, making a mental note to get his eyesight checked. There was no way that it could be possible. Deciding that he was hallucinating due to the stress and pressure on him, he walked into a store, before walking out immediately.

 

**kaze ni natte sotto tsutsumitai**

**kimi ga iru sekaini sugutonde yukitai**

**aitakutemo aitakutemo**

**matte rukara**

**tada wasurenaide**

 

Their song was playing in the store. He felt pain pricking his heart all over again. When can this torture end? He knew that the only time it end for all of them was the time when they were five. But for now, it would be cold winter without them. Another winter that would only consist of  three of five. Another lonely. Another lonely anniversary. He smiled as he remembered their tagline for their fans. “Always Keep The Faith.” He had said on a spur of the moment but had never expected it to become so popular among Cassiopeia.

 

That’s right. He’ll keep his emotions under control and continue writing songs, for the five them. There was nothing he could do other than to keep the faith. All he could do was to wait and hope.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 6 - Stars

 

Jaejoong sighed as he leaned his head against the wall, sitting next to the window, one leg propped up as he stared outside the window. He allowed his fingers to doodle nonsensical figures on the frosted window. His thoughts were currently far far away from where he literally was now.

 

He closed his eyes as his fingers continued to draw mindlessly on the window, shaking his head before taking a shaky breath and opened his eyes. For some reason, every time he closed his eyes, the only thing he could see was the faces of Yunho and Changmin on that night, the night they left them. Those eyes filled with betrayal, regret and disappointment haunted him, even more so when there was that slight glimmer of hope when they wished that JYJ would turn around and laugh it off, claiming that it was all a joke.

 

As he paused in his line of thoughts to look at what he had doodled, he let out a gasp of surprise. Drawn all over the frosted window, as far as his hand could reach without stretching was scribbles of the letter ‘W’. To normal people, it might seem like senseless scribbling. To astronomers, they would easily identify it as Cassiopeia. To Cassiopeia themselves, it was their fandom sign. But to the DBSK members, it was a sign of a everlasting friendship and brotherhood. Maybe it wasn’t really nonsensical doodles after all.

 

Taking a sip from the mug of hot chocolate, he stared at the darkening sky. Stars were going to come out soon. Was it possible for him to see Cassiopeia from where he was? Despite his initial struggle within himself on wanting to see the constellation, he wanted to do so. Even if it could provide him that little light of hope, he wanted to hold on to it.

 

He closed his eyes and imagined the night sky. There, clearly outlined in the night sky was the constellation. Their constellation. Cassiopeia. Tears unconsciously formed behind his closed eyelids as he stared up at the imaginary night sky in his mind eye, feeling somewhere in his heart that little flutter of hope. Cassiopeia was the only thing that was linking all of them together. Jaejoong. Yunho. Yoochun. Junsu. Changmin. CJES had wanted to name JYJ’s fan club something else, but the members themselves protested furiously. They wanted something, no matter how small it was, something that could anchor them to their other two brothers who were far away from them. He wiped his eyes before opening his eyes. and looked at the night sky. Sighing, he rubbed his eyes and yawned, before standing up and got ready for bed. But something told him to look again. He turned around once more and gasped.

 

Cassiopeia......

 

~~~

 

Yunho stared at the poster that was hanging above the television. A picture of them together, happily laughing, taken when they were filming their DVD in Saipan. A time when happiness actually existed. He turned away, not wanting the pain in his heart to grow further, willing it to stop but to no avail.

 

He sighed before moving over to the window, pulling open the curtains and pushing open the window, letting the cold winter air brush against his skin. He shivered slightly but made no other move to close the window. He wanted to get rid of the depressed atmosphere in the room before Changmin came in. He knew that it would make the maknae even more sad. But how did opening the window help with removing the depressed aura, he had no idea.

 

“Hyung.”

 

He turned around to see Changmin standing at the doorframe, leaning against it, with a tired smile on his face.

 

“Hyung. Come over here. You’re going to get a cold like this.”

 

Changmin’s genuine concern for his hyung could be heard. Yunho shook his head before gesturing to the maknae.

 

“No. You come over here.”

 

Changmin tilted his head and sighed, before moving over to join the elder. Yunho closed his eyes and let his head rest on the maknae’s shoulder.

 

“Sorry.” He muttered.

 

He just wanted to disappear now. Or to fall asleep and never wake up to the harsh reality. The pain was slowly torturing him, in and out, day and night. At times, he would wonder to himself just what did he do in his previous lives that made him deserve this. But then again, he thought it was fair punishment for him.

 

He had failed as a leader. He was unable to keep his group together. He had let his members gone through indescribable pain. And yet, he hoped that he can still be forgiven. He needed something to link him to them. Their missing three brothers. Oh that’s right, Cassiopeia eh? Cassiopeia have been very supportive of them, even through their hardest times, Cassiopeia were the ones who stood by them. He was very thankful to them.

 

He felt Changmin nudged him and opened his eyes. The maknae gestured with his head to the night sky. He turned and froze.

 

Cassiopeia......

 

~~~

 

Junsu sat down on the ground with a thump, too emotionally drained from his previous musing and from seeing Jaejoong’s state. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sat there, staring into the distance. He clutched his hand to the chest, as if protecting something there. What was he supposedly protecting? He himself have no idea. Perhaps his wounded heart that seems to never recover. That heart of his, would heal painfully, slowly, only to be ripped open in a split second by any trigger of the memories.

 

He let out a shaky breath before running his free hand through his already tussled hair. Should anyone walk in at that time, they would have thought that they had wandered into some mental institute by accident, for Junsu’s appearance was not one that people would love to brag about. The dark circles under his red puffy eyes, which were a result from crying, were further emphasized by the dull lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. His clothes were all messed but he knew, that among the three of them, he was the one that would looked the most decent.

 

He got up tiredly, before looking around the house. It was too dim for his liking. Too dim at all. He walked over to the window, before huffing to pull the curtains. It was very rare for them to open the curtains of the living room as usually they would either be in their own rooms, lost in their own thoughts, or often out on schedules.

 

He propped himself on the window ledge, unbeknownst to him that Jaejoong was doing the exact same thing just one level above him, and stared into the night sky. He couldn’t help but remember the times when if one of the member couldn’t sleep, he would just simply enter into another’s room and climb onto his bed. Somehow, within a few minutes, it would end up with all 5 of the members squashed into a room, sometimes all on the bed, how they managed that Junsu could never figure out, or all on the floor. It got to the point where it would happen on a daily basis and the manager had no other choice but to place all of them into the same room.

 

The tear droplets dripping on his hand jerked him out of his thoughts, informing him that he was crying. He wiped his eyes quickly in surprise before returning his eyes to the night sky, the very sight allowing his lips to stretch to a slight smile, a rather nostalgic one. There outlined brightly in the sky, was the sign of their bond.

 

Cassiopeia....

 

~~~

 

The maknae entered his room and threw himself on the bed, not even bothered to change out. With a groan escaping from his throat, he buried himself deep into the many pillows that was on his bed and surrounded himself with them

 

The smell of the pillows invaded his nostrils and he took a deep breath and hugged the pillows closer to him, drawing in the senses. The pillows weren’t his, yet he treasured them a lot. They were the other three. When the three of them left, they weren’t allowed to take much of their things, so stuff like pillows, clothes, and even shoes. They shouldn’t have been thrown away, but Yunho had hid the pillows when the staff from the company came over to collect JYJ’s belongings and gave them to Changmin afterwards. Even if they had gotten dirty, which they hadn’t as Changmin took care of them perfectly well, he wouldn’t want to wash them. The senses that were faintly lingering on the pillows were the only physical items that they have left, in memory of them.

 

He got up and stretched before heading outwards, towards the living room, deciding to join Yunho and probably keep each other company. He wasn’t used to being alone anymore. Not when you lived with 4 other crazy males in the same house for almost over 7 years. There would hardly be a day where he could be left alone. He used to find being bugged by Junsu daily an irritating occurrence, but now, he would give anything just to hear the dolphins irritating little screams again.

 

He walked into the living room, shivering slightly as he wondered why it had gotten so cold. Changmin then noticed that the window was open, the curtains fluttering slightly from the breeze that entered the room

 

“Hyung.”

 

He muttered with a tired smile, leaning against the doorframe. Yunho turned and Changmin could see the tired eyes and weary lines on his face. The elder was shivering slightly. He frowned. That idiot was going to get a cold like that. Ever since Jaejoong wasn’t there to lecture Yunho anymore, it was only up to him to do it.

 

“Hyung. Come over here. You’re going to get a cold like this.”

 

He ordered, but genuine concern laced his tone. Yunho shook his head before gesturing to the maknae.

 

“No. You come over here.”

 

Changmin tilted his head and sighed, before moving over to join the elder. Yunho closed his eyes and let his head rest on the maknae’s shoulder. The maknae shifted to let the leader attain a more comfortable position. Yunho had been taking on more and more work ever since the lawsuit, often driving himself to the point of exhaustion. Changmin would often persuade the leader to let him help out too, but only to be dismiss with a weary smile or a change of topic. But yet, deep down in him, he knows that dealing with heavy work load was the only way for the elder to escape the harsh reality.

 

Changmin shifted his eyes back to the sky, staring outside the window. His eyes widened in shock before allowing a gentle smirk to tug at his lips, one of the few genuine smirks that were seen nowadays.

 

He gently nudged Yunho and watched as Yunho opened his eyes and his blank expression froze before breaking out into a smile. He turned his head back and joined Yunho in absorbing the sight.

 

Cassiopeia......

 

~~~

 

Their song was playing in the store. He felt pain pricking his heart all over again. When would this torture end? He shook his head to himself knowing that it was a hopeless wish. As long as they were kept separated, it would never end. Never ever. He dragged his feet to the entrance of the park, heart once again heavy from the park and sat down on the beach.

 

The lonely park was covered with a thin blanket of snow. The only lights that illuminated the spot he was at was an old street lamp that flickers from time to time, casting a dark shadow over the male. Shadows casted over him dance along to the blinking of the light, creating an eerie feeling. It was a stark contrast from the busy city life and the stage. The stage that he might never be able to stand on again, with his other 4 brothers.

 

The only sounds were those of the wind blowing past him, causing his body to shiver involuntarily with chills and a occasional can that clanked along the pavement along with the wind, a stark contrast to their home. Their home that they once returned to. The home of the 5 of them.

 

The small pond in front of him was covered with a sparkly thin layer of ice. For a brief moment, Yoochun wondered if it would hold up the 5 of them. He smiled at a memory of them playing out in the rain, which suddenly popped out in his head for no apparent reason. They had come home from filming a music video and it was raining rather heavily. Everything was going fine until Jaejoong decided to plonk himself in the garden, unsheltered, allowing the rain to beat down on his body while proclaiming that he was too tired to move. Yunho, being the caring leader he always was, came over in an attempt to pull Jaejoong up to his feet. What he did not expect was that Jaejoong would pull him down, so in a flash, he found himself sprawled all over Jaejoong. A certain particular dolphin had decided that it was fun to join the two eldest and had dragged the 2 remaining members out with them. They played in the rain, laughing with each other, sharing smiles until their manager came home and was in a shock to find them in such a state. Needless to say, all of them ended up with a fever but the memory was worth it.

 

He shook his head, berating himself for being an idiot and letting his hope soar subconsciously. A dead silence finishes the moment as the street lamp decided to go off. The park was not yet engulfed in darkness, being lit up by the numerous number of stars that were twinkling in the night sky.

 

Did he dare? Was it alright for him to wish and dream once more? Yoochun lifted up his head and stared at the sky, eyes frantically washing past the stars. He smiled to himself, allowing that little spark of hope to burn bright once again in his darkened heart as he found the sight that he had wished to see.

 

Cassiopeia...

 

* * *

 

Chapter 7 - And The Story Begins... Part 1

 

“Shim Changmin. Wake up now!”

 

“Don’t wanna....” The said maknae groaned and turned over, covering his ears with the pillow.

 

“Minnie! Get up.”

 

The annoying voice continued to buzz in the air.

 

“Changmin!”

 

“Mm... 5 minutes more.” The younger mumbled.

 

He shivered as he felt his only warmth - the blanket - being tugged away from him. In protest, he sat up to grab it back.

 

Yunho sighed in relief as he saw his band member sat up, but only to snort in disbelief again when Changmin fell back onto the bed.

 

“Yah! Shim Changmin!”

 

He yelled, his patience wearing thin. They were going to be seriously late for their schedules and their manager would add more schedules to theirs as their punishment, something that he was not looking forward to.

 

“Changmin!”

 

“Mm. Go wake the others first. Junsu or something.”

 

Changmin grumbled half heartedly from under the pillow.

 

Yunho froze. Wake? Who else was there to wake?

 

“Changmin ah. There’s no one else to wake.”

 

He whispered, his voice almost getting caught in his throat, a deep contrast from his previous shouting.

 

Changmin’s eyes flew open as he digested what he just said and sat up quickly and looked at Yunho in guilt and shock. He didn’t mean to say that but it had become a habit of his during the previous years.

 

“Hyung. Sorry, I...” 

 

“No. It’s fine.”

 

Yunho cut him off with a shake of head before he had a chance to apologize properly.

 

“Just hurry and dress up ok? We have a schedule to attend.”

 

Without a word, Yunho turned and walked out off the door.

 

Changmin looked at the retreating male’s back. He sighed and pushed himself off the bed before heading for the washroom to wash and dress up. He felt guilty even though Yunho had already forgiven him. Who knows what other wounds he might had torn open in the elder’s heart with just that simple, careless statement? Ever since the lawsuit, Yunho’s heart, having lost three of its protectors, had become more and more fragile. With only one person protecting the heart, how was it enough?

 

He walked out of the his bedroom down the stair case and into the living room where Yunho was handed him a hot dog that was bought from the nearby super market.

 

“Sorry. Didn’t know what to cook.”

 

Changmin smiled tiredly before taking the hotdog and proceeding to exit the door. Their meal usually consisted of bread and milk, sometimes cereal but most of the time, they had nothing to eat except instant noodle or outside food. After all, you couldn’t expect them to suddenly develop the cooking skills. For years, they had always relied on Jaejoong to cook for them. But ever since that day, they were forced to learn how to cook for themselves immediately.

 

Changmin grimaced as he recalled the first time Yunho cooked for both of them. He ended up staying in the toilet for over half an hour while Yunho had ran out of the house first thing to buy painkillers while buying food for both of them at the same time.

 

“Why are you grimacing to yourself? Is something wrong with the hotdog? I should have added more chili sauce.”

 

Yunho nudged him as he locked the door to their dorm. 

 

“No no no. It’s just that I was thinking about how you burned the entire pot on fire when trying to cook at first and we had to live in the toilet for almost 3 hours.”

 

“That was not my fault. I just followed their instructions ok? Besides, it’s not like I was the one who had to cook all the time.”

 

Yunho pouted as he delivered a friendly punch towards the maknae’s shoulder, who was too slow to realize what was happening until the pain registered itself in his shoulder.

 

“Yah!”

 

But too slow, by the time he shouted, Yunho was already 5 feet in front of him.

 

“Oi! Have you aged within the last few seconds? Hurry up!”

 

Yunho shouted over his back and smirked when the maknae ran towards him, almost tripping over his feet in his haste.

 

The ride to the company was in silence as both of them tried to catch as much sleep they could. They hadn’t slept well for the past few days. Christmas was nearing and the feeling of wanting joy was growing, but so was the heart break.

 

Pushing open the door to company, Yunho entered, greeting everyone he saw and receiving a response as well. However, Changmin was a different case. He just pushed past everyone and walked past them, not even bothering with the stares and glares he received.

 

Yunho could only sigh at the actions of his maknae.  Ever since the lawsuit was filed, almost everyone in SM had a negative view of JYJ, labeling them as bastards, jerks, traitors, etc. and calling them those in Homin’s faces, as if telling them to agree. Changmin had since them developed a great dislike for those who dared to call it to their face.

 

Yunho bowed and apologized to everyone there for the younger’s behavior before turning away and walking quickly after him.

 

Pushing open the door, he saw the maknae dancing already to Maximum, eyes closed. Yunho sighed and walked up to the cd player before pausing it. 

 

“Changmin, we have to practice Keep Your Head Down.” Yunho said.

 

“No. Hyung. Anything but that song.” Changmin shook his head as he continued dancing to Maximum without the music.

 

“Why?” Yunho asked even though he knows of the answer.

 

“Hyung. That song is so obviously for JYJ. Why would I want to dance to a song that insults our brothers?” Changmin stopped dancing and turned around and fixed him with a stare.

 

“I know. But think of the fans.”

 

“Ya right. The fans. I’m swear that Cassiopeia has seen through SM’s lies. They won’t want us to dance to it either.” Changmin replied. 

 

Yunho sighed, knowing that he could do nothing to change his maknae’s mind and decided to pursue this matter back at home when there was more time.

 

He sighed and played the song back on, before calling in their back up dancers and started practicing Maximum.

 

He thought it was stupid really. It was so obvious that Maximum was meant for 5 people to sing, then why try and squeeze five vocals into two people? It’s hard and.... Yunho sighed and shook his head, forcing himself to concentrate on the dance.

 

The song ended after they left it on replay for 5 times and Changmin decided that he had enough, hence flopping down on the floor, sprawling out like a star fish, back to the ceiling.

 

“Changmin. Get up. The floor is dirty.”

 

Yunho gently nudged him with his foot.

 

“Too tired.” Changmin answered back.

 

Yunho sighed before sitting himself on the floor, pulling the maknae’s head onto his lap and gently running his hand through it. Changmin sighed contently, closing his eyes to allow himself to take a little rest.

 

The door opened and their manager walked in. Yunho and Changmin scrambled to their feet and bowed hastily.

 

“Cheer up guys!”

 

The manager said happily. Yunho and Changmin looked questioningly at him.

 

“Your days as TVXQ as a duo are over!”

 

Could it be? Both of them hoped desperately. Could it be that JYJ are coming back?

 

“We’re adding three new trainees to the group!”

 

Silence.

 

“WHAT?”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 8 - And The Story Begins.... Part 2

 

~ On the other side of Seoul ~

 

The alarm clock rang loudly, standing on the table that was placed next to the bed, disturbing the male from his sleep. He cracked open an eye but seeing the clock reading 3am, he reached over a lazy hand and fumbled around for the annoying noise source, before offing it and turning back to sleep, snuggling into his pillow. Why did he even set to such a time, he had no idea. His blanket kicked into the floor and his head hidden under the pillow in an attempt to hide from the other noises from outside.

 

The door opened, allowing a slight stream of light to enter the dark room and footsteps were heard. He felt a blanket placed over him, sighing at the warmth. A hand gently moved his head onto the pillow and turned him over, before brushing hair out of his face and landing a soft kiss to the temple. The other person turned away and closed the door gently before leaving.

 

Junsu slowly opened on eye, looking into the dim room, before snuggling into one of his pillows and turned on his side. It probably was Jaejoong who came over to wake him up. But seeing how tired he was, and given the fact that he had just finished his world tour and numerous concerts, Jaejoong decided to leave him alone. Junsu thanked his lucky stars for Jaejoong being so kind, before drifting into a dreamless sleep once more.

 

The door opened slightly once more, unbeknownst to the sleeping male and Jaejoong smiled slightly seeing Junsu’s relaxed face. It had been a while since he could see that sort of expression. Since JYJ was formed, each of them had been busy with their own activities. As they were banned from performing on TV, each member took their own solo paths but still produced their songs together.

 

Jaejoong and Yoochun each focused on their own drama whereas Junsu decided on a solo concert. As much as Jaejoong didn’t want it, it felt like they were disbanding once more, who was he to deny Junsu on his dream. Performing with DBSK was one of them, the other was if he ever got a chance, Junsu wanted to try solo. Seeing how they can’t perform as 5 anytime soon in the near future, Yoochun and Jaejoong decided that it was for the best and supported him from the side.

 

Jaejoong closed the door and walked down the corridor to Yoochun’s room. Seeing that it was empty, he moved over to the studio. That was where Yoochun would most likely to be, if not in his bedroom. He walked in, only to find the younger sprawled over the table, mouth slightly open, hair in front of his eyes, a stack of paper in front of him and the piano beside him with its cover open.

 

Yoochun had probably worked himself into the wee hours of the night again. Jaejoong wasn’t able to make it home at night due to drama filming and hence wasn’t able to chase Yoochun to bed. He closed the piano while deciding to carry Yoochun before coming back to rearrange the papers. He gently slipped one arm under Yoochun’s armpits and piggybacked him to his bed, before slowly placing him on the bed.

 

Yoochun stirred a bit, before turning over and buried himself into the blanket. Jaejoong rearranged the tangle of limbs before covering Yoochun’s stomach with the blanket. Before leaving, he didn’t forget to turn on the air conditioner. As it was December and outside was snowing, he didn’t want to take the risk of any of them catching a cold, choosing to on the air conditioner instead of opening the windows. How Yoochun could survive and still sleep in such cold conditions would forever remain a mystery to Jaejoong.

 

He closed the door to Yoochun’s bedroom before shuffling back to the studio, or the workplace it was often called. He took the stack of papers, straightened them and put them at the corner of the place. A stapled stack of papers caught his eyes and he took it, scanning through before sighing. It was a song. Again. For this song was not supposed to be sung by 3 people by 5. A song that was written was for the five of them, not JYJ. Yoochun’s emotions had been at work. Whenever he was in a reminiscing mood or feeling depressed, he would pour out all his emotions into song writing. But old habits die hard, it always ended up as a 5 person song.

 

Jaejoong skimmed through the lyrics, flipping by page by page. He pressed a hand to his aching temple, feeling a headache coming, his heart growing heavier as he read line by line. Like every other song that Yoochun had written when he was in that sort of mood, the lyrics which he penned down often screamed despair and regret, longing and nostalgia.

 

Not for the first time, Jaejoong silently wondered to himself if filing the lawsuit had been the right choice. Sure, now they had the freedom that they had always wanted, but was the heartbreak and the pain that came along worth it? Was leaving their two brothers worth it? Was throwing away and letting go, or so the media claim, of a strong 8 year friendship worth the freedom? A few years ago, Jaejoong would have confidently said yes. But now, he wasn’t so sure.

 

But why wasn’t he allowed to be selfish? All those years in SM, it had always been about pleasing the company and the CEO, never once for himself. But he was fine. He was happy, as long as his brothers were happy. But the happiness were slowly fading. The smiles soon turned fake, turned into frowns and they were almost at each other’s throats every day. They were slowly being destroyed. Jaejoong couldn’t just stand by and watch anymore. So he took matters into his own hands, being selfish for once and filed the lawsuit.

 

But look where that got him. They were bashed by the people whom they once thought support them. They were called traitors by their own label mates. They were denied of the rights to perform on television. But those didn’t really bother them. What really bothered them the most was that they were separated from Yunho and Changmin. All that came along with freedom, the price for choosing freedom, was only memories, nostalgia and regret.

 

He shook his head and placed the sheet of paper back in its place before heading out for his own bedroom. It was currently 4am. He should be able to catch a few hours of sleep before waking up to wake breakfast. The drama crew had decided to give the actors a few days break. Closing the door on the studio, he decided to make himself a mug of hot chocolate before heading to bed.

 

~~~~~~

 

The male grimaced when the sunlight from the window streamed in and hit his face. Grumbling, he turned over and groaned, lying on his stomach, trying to get away from the sunlight as quickly as possible, but to no avail. The unrelenting light still penetrated his closed eyelids. Having no other choice, he unwillingly got up and headed over to the windows, drawing shut the curtains with a loud snap. As he turned around to head back to bed, he got sight of the clock and gasped. The hands were pointing to 11. Crap. He had overslept. Quickly, he headed over to the bathroom to wash up before walking to the kitchen.

 

Passing by the living room, he flashed an apologetic smile to his two brothers who were already sitting there, only to be dismissed by them with a sincere wave.

 

“You overwork yourself too much hyung.” Yoochun explained indirectly, from the coach where he was sitting on, sipping a cup of coffee.

 

“Says the one who stays up till 3am to compose songs.” Jaejoong retorted back before heading towards the kitchen to calm his growling stomach.

 

Seeing the packages lining the dining table. he immediately knew that instead of waking him up to prepare breakfast, both of them resorted to ordering takeout. Jaejoong couldn’t help but feel guilty and had the same time, glad that the younger members had let him sleep in. He really needed the rest.

 

Moving over to the coffee maker, he made himself a cup of unsweetened coffee, drinking it carefully, careful not to burn his tongue. For some reason, he felt as if a cloud of gloom was hanging over him. Something bad was going to happen. Suddenly, he lost hold on his cup, clutching his stomach as he doubled over and watched helplessly as the cup fell to the ground with a crash, spilling the liquid inside all over.

 

Yoochun and Junsu rushed in immediately, with Junsu leading him to the sink to clean the burn caused by the hot coffee and Yoochun cleaning up the mess. After treating the burn, Junsu asked him worriedly.

 

“Hyung. Are you okay?”

 

Jaejoong nodded his head as he steadied himself when the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach settled.

 

“Really? You sure? Do you need anything?” The younger pressed on.

 

“I’m fine. Just lost my concentration for a while.” The tone in his voice finalizing the matter and telling them not to pursue the incident anymore.

 

“If you say so hyung.” Junsu said with a shrug and ran back to the television when the phone started ringing.

 

As Jaejoong looked at the sky via the window, he prayed that his intuition that something bad was going to happen was just him simply being too paranoid. However, just then, the high pitch scream from Junsu was heard.

 

“Yoochun ah! Jaejoong hyung! Come! You have to see this!”

 

Jaejoong exchanged looks with Yoochun who was still in the kitchen with him before both moving quickly to join Junsu in where ever he was. They found him sitting in front of the television, which was currently blasting out the news segment. He motioned for them to sit down before shifting his attention back to the screen and told them to watch.

 

“SM Entertainment has just released new that they will be adding three trainees, Do Hyuk Suk, Ha Baek Gyu and Ahn Do Ho, to the legend, TVXQ, as part of their new program to let the new trainees adjust to idol life and are considering on making them as permanent members. The two current members are currently being informed of the current situation. How will the fans react to this? Please stay tuned to find out more.”

 

The news reporter then went on to report on other news but the three of them were too much in shock to listen. Junsu stared at the news reporter, fists clenched tightly, in sadness or anger, he wasn’t so sure. Yoochun immediately grabbed the remote control turning the television off, before throwing it on the sofa with a cry. Jaejoong just stared in front of him, blank faced, as if he wasn’t there at all in the first place.

 

“Damn it. I never would have thought they would have done that.” Junsu snarled.

 

“Didn’t they promise that DBSK was just us five? No one else? Liars.” Yoochun growled.

 

“I can’t believe they even agreed. And to think that we trusted them on keeping the name DBSK alive.” Junsu said, way pissed off.

 

The insults fired from both of Yoochun’s and Junsu’s mouths about SM Entertainment and Homin were exchanged, only to be silenced with Jaejoong opening his mouth.

 

“No.” He said quietly.

 

“No?” Yoochun and Junsu tilted his head questioningly, wondering what he meant.

 

“It wasn’t Yunho’s and Changmin’s fault.” Jaejoong stated.

 

“But-”

 

“The news reporter said that ‘The two current members are currently being informed of the current situation.’ Why would they be informed of it if they had planned it before hand? Obviously SM was the one who did the work.” The elder clarified.

 

“It’s true.” Junsu observed. “But....”

 

“We’ll see how it goes.” Jaejoong said before standing up and heading for his bedroom.

 

Yoochun and Junsu looked at each other and sighed.

 

_Why? Why couldn’t we just have a happy moment?_

 

* * *

 

Chapter 9 - Meeting The New Trainees

 

Yunho stared at the manager in horror, unable to move, fixated to the ground, mind still digesting the information. No way. There was no way that there were going to be additions to be added to DBSK. Those spaces were reserved for JYJ and JYJ only. How dare they even think of replacing JYJ with strangers, who properly can’t even match up to their standards.

 

A blur of colors caught his attention as it rushed past him and he was drawn back to the current situation, only to see Changmin standing in front of their manager. The younger was holding him up by the collar, growling as he shoved his face in his, almost at the edge of killing him, not that Yunho would have mind, given what he had heard.

 

“Why?” Changmin growled, tightening his hold.

 

“T-The CEO s-said so. Wa-ait N-no more.” Their manager choked out, struggling futilely in the maknae’s grip.

 

Changmin’s eyes narrowed, tightening his hand further more, if that was possible. He should have known. The CEO, Kim Young Min, hated JYJ more than anyone ever did. He was the one who banned them from appearing on television broadcast stations. Ever since Kim Young Min took over, things started going downhill, not only for DBSK but also for the rest of the SM artistes. It was thanks to the lawsuit which their brothers had filed that bought to light of the unfair treatment of the idols in SM Entertainment and things started improving. Changmin always regretted that it had taken such a big sacrifice for them to realize.

 

Yunho, seeing the manager’s face slowly turning blue and purple from the lack of air, moved forward and gripped Changmin’s shoulders. Deep inside, he actually wanted to strangle the manager himself, but he knew that the manager wasn’t at fault.

 

“Stop.” He commanded. 

 

Changmin rolled his eyes at the order, but obeyed either way and dropped their manager on the ground, who scurried out of the room as fast as he could, hands massaging his throat.

 

“Hyung. We can’t allow this.” Changmin looked at Yunho.

 

“I know. But it’s the CEO’s order.” Yunho looked away from Changmin instead.

 

The younger couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was Yunho giving up? After 3 years of waiting, was he going to give up and allow them to add three strangers into the group. Changmin was about to open his mouth to answer when the door burst open.

 

“Yunho! We heard!” The members of Super Junior poured into the room, one after another.

 

“Are you alright?” Eunhyuk asked.

 

“What do you think of this?” Sungmin was acting like a reporter.

 

And such questions followed, not giving the duo a chance to answer. Leeteuk raised his hand for silence as the members quieted down at the signal. The Super Junior leader casted a glance at Yunho, silently asking if he was alright, only to receive a tired smile.

 

“We’ll continue this at the dorm.” Yunho told Changmin, before looking over at the Super Junior members, sending a silent invitation which they accepted willingly.

 

The members left them as the duo continued their practice. Just then, the door creaked open and they turned to find their manager standing there, looking timidly at them, throat still red and sore from Changmin’s grip.

 

“Yes?” Yunho asked, seeing how Changmin rolled his eyes and grimaced before moving as far as he could away from their manager.

 

“Hmm.. The new members are here and - “ Their manager started before being interrupted by Changmin’s growl “Trainees.” and shrunk back slightly in fear. “Hmm.. yes. The trainees and the CEO would like you to meet them to get acquainted with them.”

 

Changmin was about to open his mouth to protest but Yunho cut in before he could.

 

“I understand. Send them in.”

 

The leader received a disbelieving stare from the maknae and send him a warning glare, telling him mind himself.

 

The door opened fully and three trainees were standing there, looking and gaping at Yunho and Changmin with awe to the point that the duo felt it was sickening. Changmin cleared his throat, uncomfortable at the way the trainees were undressing them with their eyes.

 

One of them stepped forward and bowed to them.

 

“Hi. I am Do Hyuk Suk, age 23. Please look after me in the group.”

 

Yunho’s eye twitched at the fact that Hyuk Suk had already thought that he was in the group.

 

“Hey. I’m Hae Baek Gyu. I’m 23 years old. We’ll be so much better than the traitors.”

 

Changmin’s fist clenched at the mention of JYJ being traitors. He never thought of his brothers that way.

 

“Ahn Do Ho. Age 21. Guess I’m the maknae of DBSK now eh?”

 

Yunho’s jaw tightened at the corky attitude of the younger. Changmin growled. He was DBSK’s maknae. No one else was going to be.

 

“We are proud to be in the group DBSK.”

 

That did it. How dare they think that they are in DBSK? DBSK only compromised of **Kim Jaejoong** , **Jung Yunho** , **Park Yoochun** , **Kim Junsu** and **Shim Changmin**. They must be delusional if they think that they could even replace JYJ.

 

Yunho picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, before moving to the door, not even bothered to return the trainees’ greetings, dropping an excuse that he had things to do.

 

Changmin stood up from the floor to follow his leader, but not before turning around and dropping the last word.

 

“You? In DBSK? Never. DBSK will always and will only be Jaejoong hyung, Yunho hyung, Yoochun hyung, Junsu hyung, and I.”

 

He walked out of the door and slammed it hard, catching the attention of the people around them, but he didn’t care. Work with them? What a joke. He had seen it. He knew that Yunho had too. The hatred the trainees held for JYJ. Their actions betrayed nothing, but their eyes told it all, along with that snarky tone of theirs that they were even thinking of joining their group. There was no way he was going to agree to work with strangers who hated his own brothers.

 

Yunho was already waiting for him beside the van and he could see the elder trying hard to control his anger. Yunho, being the leader, had always bottled up his emotions. Changmin hated it. It was killing the elder from the inside and he knew it, but Yunho had to be strong for Changmin, often hiding his problems away from the younger.

 

“Home.”

 

Yunho ordered before climbing into the driver’s seat, not even caring to wait for their bodyguards. Changmin rode shotgun, not really minding. He preferred it that way. Having people following them around, be it fangirls or body guards was suffocating, restricting. So when the opportunity came, Changmin embraced it willingly. The minute Changmin was in the car, Yunho stepped on the gas pedal and sped off immediately, totally ignoring the frantic manager shouting behind him. The elder tossed his handphone to Changmin when they stopped at a traffic light, telling him to inform the Super Junior members that they will be reaching their dorm in 15 minutes and for them to meet them there.

 

Changmin dialed Leeteuk’s phone number before passing on the instructions to the elder, hanging up with a thanks after he heard an affirmative. As they drove past a newspaper stand, stopping by it due to the red light, Changmin’s voice caught in his throat.

 

“Hyung…”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 10 - Midnight Talks

 

Jaejoong stared at his phone, fingers hovering just slightly above the dial button, itching to press it and get the matter done and over with, but he didn’t. No, it was more like he couldn’t bring himself to. With a sigh at his failed attempt, he threw the phone in a graceful arc, sending it to land on the chair across the room. The pale beauty flopped himself onto the bed, snuggling as deep as he could into his pillow, butt wiggling in the air, practically smothering himself.

 

A knock on the door drew his attention and he pushed himself up slowly, knuckling at his swollen eyes.

 

“Hyung?” A tentative voice came from beyond the door, but the diva didn’t bother to answer it. He wasn’t in any mood for talking, so he just kept silent, returning to his previous position while pulling the blankets over him. The door creaked open slightly, allowing just a tiny stream of light illuminate the dull room, before closing once more. Jaejoong knew that his members got the hint that he didn’t want to hold a conversation. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to his members, rather that after finding out about that incident, he wasn’t sure how he should react.

 

Should he feel happy? Happy that Yunho and Changmin were moving on with their lives. Or should he feel betrayed? Betrayed that they had broken the promise that TVXQ was only the 5 of them. Kim Jaejoong, Jung Yunho, Park Yoochun, Kim Junsu and Shim Changmin. But what was he supposed to b expecting? After all, this was SM Entertainment they were talking about, they probably had proceed with the plan and finalized the decision without even asking the duo of their opinions. Yet, his insecure heart wanted reassurance Homin really didn’t want this to happen, that in their heart TVXQ belonged to only the 5 of them.

 

Tears sprung to his eyes as he tried to hold them back, frustrated at himself for crying for no reason at all. Over the few years after the lawsuit, he had gotten stronger. But maybe weaker in other people’s eyes. He started holing himself in even more, refusing to in front of idea, smiling to himself bitterly when he realized that he was slowly taking after Yunho in bottling up their emotions. Amidst these thoughts, he slowly fell into a restless sleep.

 

~~~

 

Junsu stared at the stairs, before getting up again moving away to check on their eldest member once more. He was worried that Jaejoong might end up suffocating himself to death, or starve himself to death if he was to leave the diva alone, though none seem so likely. Once more, Junsu found himself slipping into the ‘leader’ mode, where he had to be strong to stand as a pillar for both Jaejoong and Yoochun. It was rather ironic, he found, that he had been one of the maknaes, being babied on by his hyungs every 5 minutes, but now, he was the one who had to rise up to the position of being the strong one.

 

He opened the door slightly, slowly making out Jaejoong’s lying figure on the bed, chest moving up and down slowly which was the only indication that the elder was sleeping, though not a restful sleep Junsu assumed. He closed the door in relief that Jaejoong was somewhat alright, for now, before making his way back downstairs, where he found Yoochun sitting cross-legged at the window ledge, staring out of the window blankly, a mug of coffee in his hands and blanket around his shoulder.

 

“Hyung, you shouldn’t be drinking coffee this late at night.” Junsu reminded Yoochun as he slowly approached him, not wanting to startle him.

 

Yoochun spared a glance to the mug in his hands before returning to stare in the distance beyond the window. “I’m the group’s insomniac, ain’t I?”  
  
Junsu sighed as he took his place beside Yoochun, leaning against the cool glass of it.

 

“How’s Jaejoong?”

 

Junsu turned his head slightly to see Yoochun looking at him.

 

“He’s fine I guess, he’s sleeping right now.” Junsu replied.

 

“Sleeping eh...”

 

Yoochun returned to staring at the window once more as he sipped his coffee slowly.

  
“Neh hyung,” Junsu asked, earning him Yoochun’s attention as he shifted to make himself comfortable while facing the elder. “Do you think they hate us? Do you think Yunho hyung and Changmin actually agreed to the plan? Do you think we still have a chance to be 5 once more?” He knew that he was rattling off but he needed someone to assure him that everything is going to be alright, no matter how big that lie is.

 

“I don’t know Su, I really don’t know the answers to all of these questions, but we only can hope right?”

 

Junsu looked away from Yoochun, feeling as helpless as ever. There wasn’t anything they could do, not at all.

 

The phone rang and he immediately jumped off the ledge to get it, not wanting the noise to disturb Jaejoong from his sleep.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Junsu ah? Have you seen the news?” It was their manager, who didn’t bother with the greeting and went straight to the point.

 

“If you’re talking about the adding of new trainees into the group, yes we have seen it.” Junsu answered in a cold voice.

 

“Well... The CEO wanted you guys to produce another album as soon as possible. With all these commotion going on, more people will be paying attention to TVXQ and you guys. The CEO wants to make use of the attention to boost your popularity so-”

 

“I’m sorry, manager hyung. But currently, neither of us are free. Thank you and good bye.” Junsu immediately hung up the phone, silently seething in anger.

 

“What’s wrong?” Yoochun was beside him in a flash, sensing that something was wrong.

 

“Nothing. Other than the CEO being a bitch who amazing is able to sink even lower than SM’s CEO.”

 

“Oh? I’d say a Fucking Bastard is a better way to address it. Leave it, if you refuse, they can’t force us.” Yoochun replied, shrugging his shoulders, guessing what the CEO had wanted them to do.

 

Stepping out of SM was like stepping out of their shelter into the unrelenting rain. As much as they had to admit it, SM was a heaven to the naive teenage boys. They were provided with money, food, shelter and all they had to do is sing and follow orders. But humans are humans, and TVXQ being humans do not take to orders that well. Especially the eldest, who belongs to the sky by nature, the pianist, who tasted the bittersweet freedom in America and the soccer player, who grew up in a household where he learned how to make his own choices. So being restrained was a big No-No for them.

 

Away from SM, into the entertainment without a protection of a company hanging over them, they suffered from anti fans, sasaengs, death threats, rejection from broadcasting stations, etc. When Jaejoong had stumbled among the CEO of CJES in a bar, it was like a blessing for them. Once again, they thought they could have a place to return to physically, but with the freedom they yearned for. Only to discover a few weeks later that they had entered themselves into a merciless hurricane, but this time, with no way out at all.

 

“Come on Junsu. Go to sleep.” Yoochun tugged at the younger’s hand. “We have a heavy day ahead of us tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 11 - Results Of The Lawsuits

 

Yunho stared out of the car’s window in horror, looking past Changmin and everything else, focusing on that single piece of paper.

 

Oh shit.

 

The news of the new trainees being added to TVXQ was splashed as the new’s headlines on the paper. What else was he expecting? Yunho mentally face palmed himself. He should have known that this would be headline news. After all, they were a very famous group and the lawsuit of JYJ was also well known in the country’s entertainment industry. After the court announced that the verdict would be postponed indefinitely until both parties reached an agreement, the world was waiting for the next move of both SME and JYJ.

 

And Yunho certainly had not been expecting SM Entertainment to release the news so early. After all, it had only been a few hours ago since the members of the TVXQ duo themselves had found out. Yunho worried about Cassiopeia’s reactions. Cassiopeia had proved themselves to be a very possessive fan base. Sometimes Yunho was grateful for their support on TVXQ being the five of them, sometimes he worried about their actions. All the leader of TVXQ could do was to hope that they wouldn’t do anything drastic, especially not towards the new trainees. After all, it wasn’t their fault. They were just humans looking for ways to survive in Korea’s harsh entertainment industry.

 

But remembering the hostile looks in the eyes of the trainees when JYJ was mentioned, Yunho had to give that line of thought a second view over.

 

“Hyung. Damn it. Hyung.”

 

Yunho turned around on this seat to look at his maknae calling him.

 

“What would JYJ think of this?”

 

OH F***ING SHIT.

 

Yunho felt his heart skipped a beat. Now another problem had just presented itself. He knew that JYJ was happy that Homin had tried their best not to remake the songs sang by the 5 of them. Or even when the songs were played at the concert, the 5 members version soundtracks were used, where the 3 members’ voices could be heard clearly, bringing hope and joy to Cassiopeia, and of course JYJ themselves. But now... by adding the new trainees, it was as if they were sending a message across to the world to broadcast that JYJ didn’t belong to TVXQ anymore and there was no place for them. They were being replaced.

 

Changmin watched as conflicting emotions crossed his hyung’s face and he knew what Yunho was thinking. He jumped out of the car quickly, ignoring the manager’s protest, (he had been on the car too) and quickly grabbed a newspaper, shoved the money into the stand owner’s hand and jumped back into the car, ignoring the owner’s cries about the change.

 

Yunho felt himself being pulled out of his thoughts, literally, as Changmin dragged him next to him and opened up the newspaper in front of them. Both of them didn’t want to read the article but they knew that they must if they want to find a way out of this mess. It was the best to see what the media was telling the public about the situation so that they could act accordingly.

 

_NEW MEMBERS TO BE ADDED TO TVXQ_

 

_Today, SM Entertainment had just released a statement that TVXQ would be back to a 5 member band, but instead of bringing the ex-members of TVXQ back, they would be adding new trainees in...._

 

_There will be a press conference tomorrow regarding the feelings of the current members of TVXQ on the current situation as they have been just informed of it today._

 

Changmin quickly skimmed through the article and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that nothing negative had been directed to JYJ. He looked back at the article only to see that the last sentence had been circled in red ink and turned sideways just in time to see Yunho putting away a red marker.

 

Yunho leaned his head back against the car seat and sighed heavily. They were having a press conference tomorrow and they weren’t even read for it at all. Not in the slightest bit.

 

“Informed... I hope they released that we didn’t have any say in this.” Changmin muttered.

 

“I’m sure they will realize. JYJ ain’t dumb when it comes to things like this.” Yunho added as an afterthought. “Though Junsu’s and Jaejoong’s math really suck.”

 

“The 3 of them specialize in emotions and mind. Not logic.” Changmin snorted.

 

“Logically speaking, we should be calm about this and accept this since this could earn us more money and fame. But instead, we’re freaking out and worrying bout how Cassiopeia and JYJ would feel.” Yunho reminded the maknae. “Since when was TVXQ ever logical.”

 

“Never.” Changmin smiled back.

 

“Bingo. We’re here. Come one. We have some explaining to do to Super Junior.”

 

Yunho dragged Changmin out of the car, which had arrived at their dorm without them even noticing, both too caught up in their conversation and thoughts. Yunho opened the door and stepped aside just in time to avoid a seething Kangin.

 

“How could they!”

 

“They’re out of their minds!”

 

“The world is ending!”

 

“Cassiopeia is going to end up burning down the entire building!”

 

“I vote that we should do something about this!”

 

Changmin and Yunho were met with an onslaught of protests and exclamations before they could understand what was going on and found themselves on their sofa.

 

Replay in slow motion: Yunho stepped aside to avoid a seething Kangin who ran out and grabbed Changmin while Siwon took Yunho and somehow managed to race to the living room in record time and plonked them on the sofa in the middle of the Super Junior members who attacked them with questions and exclamations the minute they were aware of their presence.

 

“Whoa.. Whoa.. Slow down guys!” Yunho put up his hands for silence. He sighed and adjusted himself comfortable on the sofa since well... it was going to be a long talk.

 

Yunho looked around and sighed once more, hands inching their way up to ease an upcoming headache. This was not the way things were supposed to be. JYJ was supposed to reach an agreement with SM Entertainment, make a better contract, come back to Yunho and Changmin, and the band is back as five. And then probably patch up whatever misunderstandings which had happened. It definitely did not add up to adding new trainees as members.

 

“How could they do that? JYJ is still tied to SM Entertainment. Their contracts haven’t been terminated yet!” Donghae cut in breaking the silence.

 

“No longer...” Changmin said quietly. Quietly, so quietly that the words almost disappeared into the air. It was a miracle that they were able to even catch it.

 

Changmin was staring at his phone, eyes drawn and solemn, fingers shaking nonstop.

 

“They... terminated the contract. And both parties had withdrawn from the lawsuit. SM Entertainment said that JYJ has no wish of performing as members of TVXQ anymore.” Changmin muttered, eyes wide.

 

The noise in the room immediately dropped as everyone stared at Changmin in horror, the news slowly digesting into their minds.

 

Changmin flung the phone on the floor and stood up, ignoring the clatter of the phone which sounded abnormally loud in the unusual silence and made his way to his bedroom, carefully avoiding the Super Junior members who had been sprawled all over the floor, ignoring their eyes which followed his path until he closed the door.

 

He threw himself on the bed and draped an arm over his eyes, digging his fingernails deep into his palm and groaned. He couldn’t believe that this was happening, especially the fact that JYJ had agreed to withdraw from the lawsuit. His hyungs never gave up. They always got what they wanted, thanks to their determination. So how could they withdraw? They said that they would not stop at anything until they got their freedom and won the lawsuit. And the fact that SM Entertainment had decided to terminate the contracts, everything was too suspicious. And also JYJ not wanting to be part of TVXQ? They promised. That no matter where they were, how things were going to turn out, they will come back to TVXQ. No matter what. But... they broke that promise.

 

Changmin groaned, feeling an impending headache coming up. Too many things happened today. Too fast flowing. And they were hurting his head. It was time to get some sleep, he decided.

 

Yunho heard the door to the maknae’s room slam shut as Changmin locked himself in and dropped his head on his hands. He felt a wave of panic and grief coming towards him and took a deep breath to calm himself down. He imagined in a field of darkness, with his emotions in front of him. Imagined him wrapping up his emotions tightly and binding them with chains, before stuffing them into a wardrobe and sinking it deep down into a black hole. He’ll pull it out later and revisit them when he has the time. He couldn’t afford to lose his cool, especially not in front of Super Junior. He opened his eyes again and saw the Super Junior members staring at him with concerned eyes.

 

“I’m alright.” He smiled at them tiredly. “Just a bit tired. Too many things happened today. Sorry.”

 

He got up and looked at them.

 

“Hmm... You guys can sleep over if ya wanna, just call your manager ok?”

 

Kangin got up to call the manager, walking past Yunho and giving his shoulder a encouraging squeeze.

 

Yunho smiled apologetically at them before heading for his own room where he could think in peace. Or maybe not.

 

The room door closed and he sank to his knees in the darkness.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 12 - No Way...

 

The light from the window casted a warm glow into the bedroom, where a young man’s face was lit up by the computer screen in front of him, an uncharacteristic use of the computer early in the morning just as the sun had started to rise.

 

Junsu groaned at the computer screen in front of him, as he waited for the page to load. Just as they had expected, Cassiopeia’s reactions had not been so pretty. They had held a riot in front of SM Entertainment, sent blackmail and death threats, threatened to burn SM Entertainment to ashes, all within one day. So much had happened within a short span of 24 hours, too much for him to digest. It was as if God was trying to smash all the drama into a mere 24 hours and be done with it. The soccer player wondered what else could have happened.

 

Things couldn’t get any worse, he thought.

 

Just then, the phone to the dorm rang, the echo bouncing off the walls, amplifying the sound 5 times louder. Junsu jumped off his chair, the sudden force sending the chair clattering to the ground. He ran to the phone and grabbed it quickly, glancing up the stairs to see if the sound had woken any of his hyungs. Apparently not, he thought relieved. Or maybe they had been woken up or was just too lazy to come down to see who was calling.

 

Junsu shrugged to himself before pressing the phone to his ear. Who, he wondered, would call so early in the morning.

 

“Hello?”

 

There was silence on the other end.

 

“Hello?”

 

Junsu said again, only receiving muffled breathing from the other line.

 

He moved the phone to his line of sight, staring it.

 

“Damn. Is this thing broken?” He muttered before returning it to it’s original position.

 

“Hello? If this is going to be a prank call, I’m going to hang up right away.”

 

Silence still.

 

Funny. Usually when he said that, whoever on the other end would immediately respond.

 

“Hello~~ Is there anyone there?”

 

“YOU BIG FAT LIAR KIM JUNSU!!! HOW COULD YOU GUYS DO THAT!!”

 

Finally, a response from the other line, though it was unnecessarily loud. Junsu jumped at the shock, hand held over his heart.

 

“Hyukjae?? Are you trying to kill me, you idiot.”

 

“HOW COULD YOU GUYS DO THAT?”

 

Junsu could almost hear the tears in his best friend’s voice.

 

“Wait... Do what? What the hell did we do? We did nothing!”

 

“DON’T LIE! FUCK. EVERYTHING IS SO SCREWED UP!”

 

“What’s going on Hyukjae?”

 

Junsu was very confused right now. What the hell did he do? What did JYJ do wrong? They did nothing at all! So what was going on?

 

“WHY? JUNSU! WHY?”

 

The screaming over the phone continued despite of Junsu’s questions.

 

“IF YOU STOP FREAKING SCREAMING AND TELL ME WHAT WE DID WRONG, I WOULD TELL YOU THE REASON!”

 

Unable to bear with the accusations of doing something that he didn’t even know what was wrong, Junsu snapped.

 

Silence.

 

“Wait.. you mean you don’t know?”

 

“What am I supposed to know!?”

 

“SM Entertainment just terminated your contracts!”

 

Wait what? Oh wow. Apparently he was wrong, things just got even more worse.

 

“What? Why? We didn’t even say anything, much less do anything.”

 

“Oh? Apparently, they said that ‘JYJ has no wishes of returning to TVXQ.’ and that you guys had withdrawn from the lawsuit. So they saw no use in continuing your contracts and just terminated it, so now TVXQ is officially officially only two.”

 

“We never said that!”

 

“I don’t know! Anyway, SM is in a mess right now, I got to go. We’re having a meeting now. Call you later bye.”

 

A beep sounded from the other end, Hyukjae having hung up before Junsu could even say goodbye.

 

He sat down on the ground hard and sighed, phone still cradled between his left cheek and shoulder.

 

What was going on? None of them even called SM Entertainment and after Junsu hanging up on their manager, CJES didn’t call them either. So what was going on?

 

Oh well. First things first. He had to tell his hyungs that SM terminated their contracts and... Wait. Backtrack. His eyes widened as he recalled as Hyukjae had told it.

 

_“Oh? Apparently, they said that ‘JYJ has no wishes of returning to TVXQ.”_

 

They had no wishes of returning to TVXQ? And the fact that they had withdrawn from the lawsuit? Things were looking even worse for them. The maknae of JYJ leapt to him feet and started hollering frantically for his hyungs.

 

“Oh shit. Hyung. Hyung. Hyung!”

 

Junsu’s desperate screams for his two hyungs echoed throughout the dorm, bouncing off the four walls of the living room that he was currently in. Yoochun, fearing the worst, raced in, half expecting to see either Jaejoong or Junsu in a pool of blood, instead only to find Junsu cradling his handphone in between his left cheek and shoulder, staring wide-eyed at the pianist.

 

“Hyung...”

 

Junsu’s weak whimper shocked Yoochun as he quickly ran his mind over what could have caused Junsu to act like this. Oh no. Jaejoong... Where the hell is their eldest? A wave of panic overwhelmed Yoochun as he feared for the safety of the diva before remembering, thankfully, that he was still in his bedroom. After seeing the recent news, he couldn’t trust Jaejoong to act logically. The eldest had always been prone to acting on pure emotion and impulse instead of logic.

 

“What-”

 

His questioning was cut off by Junsu immediately.

 

“You didn’t call SM Entertainment right?”

 

What? Call his former company?

 

“Junsu... What do you mean?”

 

“Just answer the question!” An uncharacteristic hysterical shriek came from Junsu. “YOU DIDN’T CALL SM ENTERTAINMENT AND TELL THEM THAT WE HAD NO INTENTIONS OF BECOMING TVXQ’S MEMBERS ANYMORE RIGHT?”

 

Yoochun was shocked beyond words. Why would he in his right mind even do that? They had always cherished the times as TVXQ, and would long to once more stand on stage and introduce themselves as a TVXQ member. Heck, even the calling of them as former TVXQ members was enough to drive the entire of JYJ into rage. So why the hell would he?

 

“Why would I? And what’s going on?’

 

He questioned, being even more confused than ever.

 

“Well... Apparently, somebody ‘informed’ SM Entertainment that we have no wish of returning as TVXQ’s members and they terminated our contract. And so, it seems that we had also withdrawn from the lawsuit.”

 

Well... Yoochun could only respond to that with two words.

 

“The hell? How could we even withdraw from the lawsuit? No one called to inform us anything about any coming meetings. We never gave that statement.”

 

Junsu shrugged, glaring at the phone which he now held in his hands.

 

“That’s what I would like to know.”

 

“What’s going on?”

 

A weak voice caught the two’s attention and they turned to find Kim Jaejoong standing at the living room door, eyes dark with circles and wearing an oversized shirt with no shorts on, staring at them blearily, hand shielding his eyes from the all-too-bright living room’s lights.

 

Their eyes widened in horror as a sudden thought struck them.

 

“Hyung... You wouldn’t have-”

 

“-just called SM Entertainment right?”

 

All they received was a slight but bitter smile before Jaejoong disappeared and the door slammed after them.

 

No way. Their hyung couldn’t have…

 

* * *

 

Chapter 13 - Coffee Cojjee

 

Changmin sat in front of the television, hands resting by his side as he sat on the edge on the sofa, eyes never leaving the screen in front of him. It at been two weeks or so ever since the lawsuit results had been released and the shocking news of JYJ’s revelation. Despite all those chaos, SM Entertainment were determined to let Yunho and Changmin to continue with their ‘Catch Me’ promotions, giving them a tight schedule with no rest. And due to that, the duo missed out on most of the news about the lawsuit results played on television and JYJ’s interviews. Lucky, Kyuhyun had been kind enough (which was really rare) to record for them a video of Junsu’s interview that was being played on television while they were busy preparing for their concert, which had him now sitting in front of the television, watching videos of his hyung at his Germany concert just a day after the lawsuit results were out, instead of going to the gym or recording songs. From what he had been told by Hyukjae, JYJ, or rather Junsu more specifically since he was the only one he had spoken to, had no idea about what was going on with the lawsuit and had been rushed to Germany the very next day for his concert, leaving without a trace of his reaction to the lawsuit in Korea.

 

Speed seems like something that both CJES and SM Entertainment now treasure. Everything was happening at a fast pace, too fast of Changmin’s liking.

 

As Changmin’s eyes never left his hyung’s face on the screen, he really wanted to believe Hyukjae’s words that JYJ were totally innocent in this situation, but somewhere in his mind where the devil stayed, the thought of what JYJ said was true and that thought kept constantly hammering on his mind’s door, threatening to tear his heart into pieces - which this time, he was afraid, might never be healed - should it succeed in entering the mind. So here he was now, adopting the traits of a Cassiopeia and watching the interview closely, eyes scanning for any hints that Junsu might be lying as the interview proceeded.

 

“I lament the fact that I’m not able to introduce myself as a member of TVXQ.

I, too, find this situation to be unfortunate because I entered the entertainment industry and started out as a singer through TVXQ,

Though the situation is unfortunate and regrettable, the title of ‘TVXQ’ will always remain in my heart and I believe that other people, and not only myself, will remember and never forget the five years that I performed as a member of TVXQ.

Nothing will ever be as memorable and fill me with joy than if I could stand on stage again as ‘TVXQ’ one day.

We were fighting a battle against our company (SM Entertainment) and their unlawful practices; it wasn’t that we wanted to throw away our title of ‘TVXQ’ or leave ‘TVXQ’.

When I perform in musicals, I use my real name of Kim Junsu. Regardless of what name I use, I give people my all to repay them for remembering me and coming to see me. But I started out as ‘Xiah’ and I would like to keep performing under that name as a singer.”

 

Changmin kept quiet as his hyung’s soft voice filled the room. There was no signs of Junsu looking away from the camera at the ground, something that Junsu always does when he lies. Neither was there any nervous movements of his hands. All he saw was pure heartbreak, desperateness and pleading.

 

The maknae of TVXQ switched off the video and leaned back, sighing. What had things come to now? What the lawsuit is saying is totally different from Junsu’s interview and he had no idea which to believe in, (although he was much more compelled to believe in the latter.)

 

Rrrriingg....

 

Changmin jerked up suddenly when his handphone rang, disturbing the short peace in the dorm. Yunho had left for the company due to a meeting so he was all alone. He reached over to the table in front of him and answered the call.

 

“Yo! Are you done?”

 

Kyuhyun’s voice came over the phone.

 

“Yah... I guess.”

 

“I guess? What is the word coming to! Shim Changmin guessing! Where is the confident Changmin I once knew?” Kyuhyun dramatically proclaimed. Changmin smiled at his best friend’s attempt to cheer him up.

 

“Hey listen. Sungmin and I are going to drop by some cafe and grab a drink. Wanna come?” The maknae of Super Junior offered.

 

“Drop by? Where?” Changmin asked, standing up as he silently accepted the offer.

 

“I don’t know. Heechul is bringing us there. He’s meeting us at Apujeong station.”

 

Changmin raised a eyebrow at the aforementioned name. Heechul? Apparently, the elder had gotten a day of at his mandatory service, so it seems. With Heechul there, he could help probably take the younger’s mind off the depressing situation right now. And any coffee shop that Heechul recommended was good, seeing how Kim Heechul had rather high standards when it came to coffee.

 

“I’ll meet you there in 20.” He said before hanging up after receiving a confirmation from Kyuhyun.

 

Changmin stretched and made his way to the door, grabbing his shoes and wearing them before heading out, not forgetting to lock the door and grabbing the bag next to it. He made his way down to the first floor and look around, pulling out his disguise - a pair of sunglasses and a beanie (blame Jaejoong for both) - before making his way to the station. Changmin walked through the crowd that was bustling on Seoul’s streets, head down. It was the winter season nowadays. Not many people would be out in the streets seeing how it was still holidays and the weather outside was freezing and for that, Changmin was thankful for. He raised his head when he heard his name being called. As it seems, he had already made his way to the station subconsciously while lost in thought. Thankfully, the apartment wasn’t far from the station.

 

As he watched Sungmin waving at him a bit too enthusiastically, with Kyuhyun standing behind him, he decided that a few hours with his friends would do him some good.

 

~~~

 

\- In SM Entertainment -

 

Yunho walked out of the door, mind still reeling with what had just happened a few minutes ago in the meeting. Just 2 hours ago, he had been lazing around back at the dorm with Changmin when he had received a call and was whisked by his manager immediately to the company, leaving a bewildered Changmin behind.

 

After entering the meeting room and sitting down, it was only then, with a sinking heart, had he realized that the meeting was about the idea of adding the three trainees in the group permanently. The meeting had turn into a debate of sorts, with the upper management agreeing with the idea, with the excuse that since JYJ had expressed their want of not returning as TVXQ members anymore, (not that Yunho believed **_them_** ), and the opposing side which surprisingly consisted of the managers of the SM groups - Super Junior, f(x), SNSD, SHINee, EXO, and of course TVXQ - main reason being that Cassiopeia would cause an uproar over it (although Yunho suspected that it was become all of those managers had watched how TVXQ grow over the years as **_5_** _._ )

 

The meeting ended with Kim Young Min putting the idea on hold but agreed to add the three trainees in the group as part of the program of helping trainees to adjust to idol life (though Yunho suspected that the idea was already permanent as the higher ups already agreed with it _._ )

 

So he was not surprised, not in the least bit, to walk out of the meeting room and see the three trainees, (he refused to call them **_members_** ) standing in front of the meeting room and all wearing matching smirks.

 

“So leader ssi,” Yunho cringed at the informal tone and the addressing of him, “When do we start recording new songs?” One of the trainees asked. Yunho tilted his head trying to remember what the younger’s name was. Ah, Hae Baek Gyu, was it?

 

He stared blankly at the trainee, wandering what on earth was he talking about.

 

“Oh hyung. We’re your members now. In place of JYJ.” Another trainee said.

 

Yunho could barely hold in his snort, but he remained his composure as a leader of the world’s most famous Korean boy band. That’s right... These were the trainees who were supposedly added to the group. Oh the nerve of them to think that they were members of the group already.

 

The leader of TVXQ flashed his own smirk back at them, slightly unnerving the three before replying, “Keep your head down.” in a sing song voice (he was feeling slightly playful for some reason.) before turning his head and walked away, feeling the disbelieving stares of the trainees aimed at his back.

 

Yunho walked down the corridor of the company, greeting juniors as they bowed respectfully to him.

 

“Yunho hyung!” A cheery voice called out. For a minute, he could just imagine Junsu waving at him, before running towards him and knocking him down on the ground, with Yoochun and Jaejoong laughing behind him while Changmin started making snarky comments about Junsu’s big butt.

 

He looked again as the voice called out once more and sighed slightly in disappointment when he saw Donghae walking towards him, with Hyukjae trailing sightly behind. What was he expecting? He really should learn to stop giving himself false hopes, he thought.

 

“Yunho hyung,” Donghae latched onto him immediately. “Hyukkie and I are going out to grab some coffee. Wanna come? We’re meeting Kyuhyun, Sungmin and Heechul hyung there.”

 

“Heechul?” Yunho asked.

 

“Yup! He was the one who was rambling about some awesome cafe that he had found just a few minutes away from SM Entertainment and decided to drag Kyuhyun along with him.”

 

“Then why are you going there?” Heechul, Yunho thought, probably was trying to escape from his D.Jing duties again.

 

“Because Kyuhyun forced us to.” Oh.. that explains it.

 

“Sure,” The elder shrugged. “Just let me grab my bag from the dance practice.”

 

“Oh...” Hyukjae looked down nervously. “We grabbed your bag for you. Were going to run off with your bag to try and threaten you to come along with us.”

 

Yunho shot him a look as he accepted the bag. “Who came up with this idea?” There was no way that either Donghae or Hyukjae thought of this. They were too... innocent, unlike a certain somebody he called his maknae.

 

“Hmm... Heechul hyung?” Donghae provided helpfully, embarrassed.

 

Thought so.

 

The three walked out of the company in silence and made their way to the appointed location where they were suppose to meet, sneaking in and out of shops to avoid fangirls that were tailing them.

 

Yunho raised his head, glancing at the sign as they entered the shop. “Coffee Cojjee?” He murmured, feeling a flash of familiarity at the sound of the name. He had heard it before. But where?

 

He shrugged off his questions as he followed Donghae and Hyukjae to a table somewhere at the back of the shop, his eyebrows raised when he saw Changmin sitting there with Sungmin, Kyuhyun and Heechul.

 

“Kyuhyun invited me.” Changmin offered an explanation, seeing the question in his hyung’s eyes as the maknae was supposed to be still back at the dorm emoing over Junsu’s interview.

 

A nod from the leader acknowledged his answer as the elder sat next to him and picked up the menu.

 

“Have you all decided on what you want?” Heechul raised his voice slightly over the din where Kyuhyun was busy bickering with Changmin, while teasing Hyukjae and Donghae at the same time.

 

He received five nods and raised his hand, asking for a waiter.

 

“May I take your order, sirs?”

 

Changmin and Yunho’s heads snapped up at the voice and stared in shock in a bewildered pair of eyes belonging to a familiar face.

 

“Jaejoong...”

 

~~~

 

Jaejoong had never expected their meeting to be like that. Though he was the owner of Coffee Cojjee, he had people working for him and didn’t had to be in Coffee Cojjee in person to man the cafe. But that particular day, he just had to be there. Junsu was away in Germany for his concert, Yoochun was busy filming his drama. With promotions for ‘Jackal’ ended, Jaejoong had nothing to do at home. And he wasn’t about to lock himself up in his room and be depressed over what he had done and the lawsuit results and Yunho and Changmin. So helping out (well, not really since he was the owner of the cafe but he thought that his staff deserved a break since they had worked hard enough for him) at his cafe would take his thoughts of the matter.

 

But never had Kim Jaejoong imagined that the two people who were the cause of his depression to be sitting in his cafe.

 

“C-Changmin. Yunho...” He gasped out, pen and paper dropping to the floor in surprise, eyes never leaving them. Similarly, the two of them were staring back at him too, while the Super Junior members’ eyes switched between both sides, faces pale.

 

“I-I got to go.” Jaejoong muttered before picking up the pen and paper from the ground and running out of the cafe, to the back of it where he had a room specifically set up for him. He leaned against the wall and slumped to the ground, breathing heavily as he told himself to just calm down.

 

What was he going to do now? He didn’t know what to say to them. And the only way out of the cafe was through the front door, but that meant passing by their table. He couldn’t risk that. His heart had already suffered a major blow just from seeing them and he didn’t know just how much more it could take from their words.

 

Jaejoong groaned and buried his head in his hands, wishing that this day would be over soon.

 

He raised his head slightly when he heard footsteps coming towards him, too afraid to lift his eyes to see who was in front of him. The person crouched down near him to his eye-level, coming so close to Jaejoong that he was forced to look up.

 

“I’m sorry Jae... I didn’t know that this was your cafe.” Heechul apologized. Neither had he expected that Jaejoong would be working in the cafe that day.

 

Jaejoong gave him a bitter smile before shaking his head, standing up and brushing off imaginary dust off his pants. “It’s ok. You better get back to them. If SM Entertainment finds out about this, you’ll be screwed. I have to get back to my customers.”

 

Heechul watched in silence as his friend turned and walked away, further and further away from Yunho and Changmin. “But aren’t we your customers too? Why are you avoiding us?”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 14 - Not That Helpless

 

Sometimes, Yoochun would stare out at the sky, wondering what is life when you don’t know what you’re living for. What is life when all you’re doing is just trudging forward, praying that you will somehow reach your goal one day. Somehow. Someday.

 

There was no way of actually defining what life really is for is it, he believed. You live for the sake of living. Live despite knowing that you would die one day, and that’s why life is so precious, as some people say because you only live once so don’t screw up. But Yoochun thinks that it’s because you live only once, that’s why you have to screw up as many times as you can else you’ll never get the chance of screwing up again after you die. Or maybe there is an afterlife where you can screw up too, who knows.

 

But then again, Yoochun thought that he had probably screwed up too many time over in this life now. They - the nameless, faceless entity called the media that thrived on public interest and had the power to make or break your career with just one headline - had been making such a big deal over this entire member-swap thing and the lawsuit. It seemed like the world was ending to them, making every word that any of the TVXQ5 members said as the headlines. He sees newspaper articles reporting on the issue everyday, where they get the energy to keep it going he had no idea. He sees fans screaming everyday when he walked out without disguise, asking questions along the lines of ‘Whether he hated Yunho or Changmin or not.’ and his thoughts of the whole issue.

 

He didn’t respond, or rather he had no response for them. What was he to say? That he was upset with SM Entertainment and that they had no rights to add new members to TVXQ? That would cause a bigger scandal which, he was sure, would add more stress to Jaejoong who had been dealing with most of the media interviews and stuff.

 

“Chun ah, staring at the sky won’t make anything fall down from it.” Jaejoong’s voice drew him out of his musings. He turned to see his hyung entering the front door and dropping his bag on the ground beside the door. Yoochun slide off the window ledge and made his way to kitchen.

 

“Hmm... How’s the day?” He asked as he busied himself with making coffee for Jaejoong who had now taken a seat at the dining table.

 

“...” He was greeted with silence.

 

“Hyung?” Yoochun prompted.

 

“I saw Yunho and Changmin,” Jaejoong sighed.

 

Wow. Now that’s a nice twist in life.

 

“Mm... And?”

“And I chickened out and ran away without talking to them at all. Brilliant isn’t it.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

Yoochun handed the steaming mug to Jaejoong and sat himself opposite the elder, watched as the latter took a tentative sip of the hot chocolate.

 

“So?” He asked.

 

“So what? I freaked out and ran away and Heechul came finding me later. The conversation didn’t go anywhere.”

 

“Well... That sucked.”

 

“Tell me about it.” Jaejoong threw his head back over the chair’s headrest and sighed again. “I screwed up big time.”

 

“Call Junsu.” Yoochun suggested all of a sudden.

 

“Junsu?” Jaejoong raised his head to look at him. “Why?”

 

“He kept calling me during filming. I think he was bored.” The pianist tossed his phone across.

 

Jaejoong flipped open the phone and dialed the familiar number before putting on the table and switching it to loudspeaker.

 

“Hello?” The high pitched voice came over the line.

 

“Hey yourself.”

 

“Oh! Hyung deul! Hello~ Where are you guys now?” Junsu squeaked over the phone.

 

“Ah... Somewhere here, somewhere there. Somewhere in the universe,” Yoochun answered.

 

“Yoochunnie is somewhere in outer space?” Junsu teased.

 

The trio laughed over the phone at the attempted joke.

 

“I... I saw Yunho and Changmin today.”

 

Junsu’s eu kyang kyang immediately ceased after that sentence, tensed silence hanging over all three of them.

 

“And?”

 

“I ran away before I could talk to them.” Jaejoong explained. “Oh god. I am so sorry. I should have apologized or something.” The elder rested his head on his hands as he started to blame himself for avoiding their ex members.

 

“No, no hyung. It’s not your fault. I would have done the same too.” Junsu immediately assured his hyung. 

 

“I didn’t know what to say to them too. Should we apologize? Should we ask them what is SM Entertainment doing? Or should we just interact with them like how we did 4 years ago? I don’t know. Do they hate us? Would Changmin punched me if I talked to them? Would they forgive us? I don’t know what to say at all...” Jaejoong’s voice caught in his throat as he tried to justify his reasons. To who, no one knows, probably to ease himself of the guilt. The guilt which purged his heart as he blamed himself for running away from them. He had had so many things that he wanted to say to them, but he didn’t know from where to begin. He wanted to ask if they were alright, if they missed them, and did they know that never was there a day that went by without JYJ thinking about them. But all that somehow came out was a stammered apology before he disappeared. Jaejoong could never forgive himself for that.

 

When did this happen, Yoochun thought looking at his gloomy hyung. When did things became so awkward among the five of them that when they meet at last, they end up running away from each other. When did things change so much that they could no longer interact with one another, not knowing who the opposite party is like. Maybe time did change things, but it didn’t heal their wounds.

 

~~~

 

Changmin gazed at the ceiling as the television in front of him casted a soft light around the darkened living room. His mind was busy replaying the very scene when they had finally managed to meet one of JYJ’s members. The emotions which ran through Jaejoong’s eyes, his eyes widening, mouth opening, each and every second of that minute was engrained firmly in his memory. 

 

He had watched as Jaejoong turned and ran off, eyes never leaving the retreating back of his hyung. He had sensed Yunho tensef beside him, caught up in his own struggle of emotions and thoughts on whether to go chasing after Jaejoong. He himself had wanted to shout out his hyung’s name, tell him to stop and come back to talk to them, only for the words to die in his throat, never leaving his mouth. All he could do was to watch helplessly as Heechul ended up being the one running after him and Yunho and himself were being pulled back down into their seats, oh he hadn’t realized that both of them had stood up, by Donghae and Kyuhyun respectively. And he watched unblinkingly as Heechul came back emptied-handed, no Jaejoong with him, and relayed Jaejoong’s words to the group.

 

The TVXQ maknae growled and stood up, ignoring the Korean drama that was currently playing on the SBS channel. He had to do something about this. There was no way he could stay back and watch as the group get torn apart. After the three of them had left, they had been fed with stories that JYJ hated them and never bothered once about them, but neither the leader nor the maknae believed in those tales. And seeing Jaejoong once again confirmed his own beliefs. For it wasn’t hatred that was reflected in the elder’s eyes, but love and desperation and a spark of fragile hope. A hope so fragile that it broke Changmin’s heart to see the emotion even fluttering in his hyung’s eyes. Jaejoong love them and never once hated them. JYJ had always love them without any faltering. And so, he had to do something to get the group back.

 

To bring back the light in Jaejoong’s eyes.

 

To mend Yunho’s broken heart and spirit.

 

To protect Yoochun from the sasaengs.

 

To show Junsu the joy in the world again.

 

And lastly, to erase the sadness that had been clouding his everyday life.

 

Changmin stood up and grabbed his phone, and punched in a few numbers.

 

“Hello?” He said immediately when the person on the other line picked up, not bothering with the greetings. “I need you to do me a favor.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 15 - Jaejoong Gone Mad

 

“You know...”

 

Yoochun raised his head from his book at the voice of his hyung. Jaejoong was sitting opposite him, chin resting on his hands, eyes staring at the younger but mind completely somewhere else.

 

“I was thinking... If SME really decided to add the trainees in... We should go and visit them once. You think they’ll allow us to do that much?”

 

“...”

 

“Yoochunnie?”

 

Yoochun put down his book and sighed. The question had taken him by surprise but he wasn’t going to say that he was shocked. He had somehow subconsciously been expecting that question or something of it’s sort ever since Jaejoong had run out of the living room somewhere two weeks ago. Junsu and him never managed to find out whether it really was their hyung who had called SM Entertainment and asked for a withdrawal of contracts. Jaejoong would clam up every time that topic was bought up. But since it was their hyung, Yoochun was sure that he had his reasons for doing so. Only that it would be revealed as time passed.

 

“I don’t know. Why hyung?”

 

“Because if neither of them knows how to cook, Changmin is really going to continue to starve to death. I should have just taught Minnie how to cook before I left.”

 

The younger felt a smile tugging at the side of his lips. Trust Jaejoong to be thinking of his members’ state even at a time like this.

 

“Didn’t you offer?”

 

“Yeah, but Changmin rejected and said something about preferring my cooking.”

 

“You think that Changmin was placing hopes on you returning so that you could cook him food and save him from the Yunho’s cooking?”

 

Jaejoong lifted his eyes slightly to glance at Yoochun before sighing. “Maybe. Should I arrive in a Superman’s costume to save him?”

 

“Hmm, maybe then he’ll agree to learn cooking from you.” Yoochun shrugged his shoulders before picking up his book and giving it his full attention as payment for neglecting it for the past few minutes.

 

“But seriously. Do you think we should go take a look at them?”

 

Silence.

 

“Hyung, I think you’re hoping for too much.”

 

~~~

 

Be it fate or not, SM Entertainment had decided to let the members of JYJ to meet the trainees once, just hours after Jaejoong had posted the question to Yoochun. To say that Yoochun was shocked would be an understatement. He was totally left speechless when their manager had called them, informing them of meeting with the trainees that was in a week’s time. In this ‘rare form of humanity present in the Kpop industry’ as said by Junsu when they had informed him just before his flight back to Korea, they had to make the most of it. Although Yoochun suspected that the higher ups of SM Entertainment were secretly sadistic people who liked to see them suffer. Just somehow, he couldn’t help wondering if there was something going on behind this.

 

And what was SM Entertainment expecting them to say to the trainees? Yoochun doubted that Changmin would eat the trainee’s food even if they were taught personally by Jaejoong, unless he was desperate much (which he might really be.) Junsu had decided that he would bring his PSP to the meeting venue. The supposed time duration was about 3 hours but Junsu was sure that they would spend the first 15 minutes in awkward conversation and the rest of the time in silence, so why not make use of that time to finish that level of the game he was currently playing?

 

But first things first, he had to deal with a hysterical Jaejoong currently on his hand while waiting for Junsu to arrive at the dorm from the airport, returning from his many overseas concert. Jaejoong had just exploded when he heard the news, drilling almost all the information he could out of their poor manager, leaving the latter totally dry. He had then proceeded to disappear up into his room and locked himself in, probably doing research on the trainees. It had been two hours already after he vanished into that hole of his.

 

“I’m home~” Yoochun’s attention was distracted from his musings as the door of the dorm slammed open and in waltzed the missing maknae of JYJ who had been busy with solo promotions. Junsu left his luggage at the front door, too lazy to unpack now, and made his way to Yoochun before plonking himself onto Yoochun’s lap.

 

“Where’s Jaejoong hyung?”

 

“Don’t know. In the room somewhere.” Yoochun answered absent-mindedly as he half heartedly tried to push the younger off lap. Junsu pouted at the actions of his hyung before raising his voice.

 

“JAE HYUNG!!”

“HERE!” Jaejoong’s voice called out and Junsu leapt up to his feet, flashing a victory smile in Yoochun’s direction before heading towards the room, leaving an exasperated Yoochun to follow him.

 

Junsu opened the door to see a rare sight of Kim Jaejoong laughing hysterically on his bed, laptop open in front of him. Jaejoong looked up at the sound of the two’s entrance. Junsu took a double take when he saw tears streaming down his hyung’s face. Could his hyung be laughing so hard that he drove himself to tears. Most likely not.

 

“They hate us.” Jaejoong’s broken voice shocked Yoochun and Junsu.

 

“Huh?” Yoochun replied intelligently, yet to recover from his shock. For a moment, Junsu felt his heart stop. He hate no idea who Jaejoong was talking about as the laptop wasn’t facing them, but he really hoped that ‘they’ weren’t who Junsu though they are.

 

“The trainees. They hate us, they hate JYJ.” Junsu let a breath of relief. It wasn’t who he thought ‘they’ were. He grabbed Yoochun’s hand, the elder still half dazed, and dragged him towards the bed when Jaejoong beckoned them forward.

 

“I stumbled upon their blog by accident. They really hate us so much. Look, they’re calling us ‘traitors’ and ‘liars’. Though some of their ‘claims’ don’t really make much sense.” Jaejoong explained as he pushed the laptop’s screen to face them. “I was curious ok?” He defended himself against Junsu’s questioning stare.

 

The three of them somehow managed to squeeze themselves in front of the computer screen fully, leaving Jaejoong to control the scrolling. The words ‘traitors’ and ‘liars’ appeared many times, much to their chagrin.

 

“Oh look, there’s even a rumor that we were sluts for Kim Young Min and got tired of it because he wasn’t treating us probably during sex.” Junsu pointed to the screen, eyebrows raised in amusement. “Where did that come from?”

 

Yoochun snickered. “Changmin specializes in see how many IP addresses SM Entertainment can ban remember? He was the one who posted that rumor, but it got removed after 10 minutes.”

 

Jaejoong shot Yoochun a look. “And how did you know?”

 

“Because I was the one who came up with that idea.”

 

Silence resumed as the trio continued reading the posts on the blog.

 

“Well... What now? The trainees being added to TVXQ hate us like there’s no tomorrow.” Yoochun asked, more or less directing the question to Jaejoong, recalling the conversation that they had just two days ago.

 

“We don’t have a choice I suppose. Shall we do it?” Junsu replied instead.

 

The two stared at Jaejoong who lost in thought.

 

“Hyung?” They prompted.

 

“Do you think I should bring food for Changmin?”

 

“We aren’t seeing them hyung, only the trainees.”

 

“But still...”

 

“Ya. I think you should. He’s probably starving from Yunho hyung’s cooking already.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 16 - JYJ Meeting The Trainees

 

How long has it been since they last stepped into that building. Two years? Three years? Jaejoong had stopped counting ever since they left Yunho and Changmin. It was ironic how their last encounter with them hadn’t been in Korea, but instead of all places, Japan’s Narita Airport. It was there when they split, when, to the public, they became JYJ and TVXQ separately. Jaejoong remembered watching his (ex) member’s retreating figures, as if watching a silent film, where everything else was in black and white except for those two. Watched as a tear slipped out of Changmin’s eyes, watched as Yunho’s face as contorted in pain, watched as they walked away without a glance back. He would like to have believed that if they actually looked back, he would be able to see plead and desperation in their eyes. But he had no way of knowing now.

 

They had been whisked away a few hours after their last performance, a very sad ‘Stand By U’ in Kohaku, been shoved into different planes and sent back to Korea, both groups arriving at different timings. But it might have been for the best. Who knows if they had spent more time in each other, the pain might have been too much for them to handle.

 

But now as Jaejoong stood in front of the building, he wondered if that pain would still be there, as a symbol of their bond. Sighing, he took a cigarette out from his pocket and pressed it to his lips, breathing through the filter, before drawing it out in a long breath, and watching it as it curled into white smoke before drifting away, hopefully helping to bring acid rain in some country far far away, just because Jaejoong was in that kind of mood now.

 

“Hyung, stop killing yourself.” Jaejoong watched in amused silence as Yoochun reached over and plucked the cigarette off his hyung’s head, before bringing it to his lips and smoking it himself.

 

“I think BOTH of you needs to stop being so suicidal.” Junsu commented as he wrinkled his nose and turning his head away from the white swirls drifted towards him, an unwelcome present from the mid-December wind. He leaned against the car and turned his gaze towards the building. One would require a special pass to enter SM Entertainment building, which all staff members, trainees or artistes alike all have access to. But ever since 2010, after leaving the company, JYJ had lost that ‘privilege’ as some people might put and now they found themselves standing outside, in the cold winter wind, waiting for an escort to fetch them, courtesy of SM Entertainment they say.

 

It was alright with them though. After all, waiting was something that they had gotten used to. Far too used to.

 

“I swear that escort probably has his heads in the clouds and is off drinking somewhere.”

 

“Nah. There he is, tripping over his own two left feet.”

 

~~~~~

 

Yoochun tried his best to ignore the stares that were being directed at them as they were led down the hallways of SM Entertainment to the room where they were supposed to meet the trainees. It was unnerving, with every step you take, you find yourself on the receiving end of at least 5 stares. But he should expected it. After all, who doesn’t want to witness this extraordinary spectacle of the ‘traitors’ entering SM Entertainment again.

 

He felt shivers go down his spine as he passed by a particular room. SNSD’s perfect faces peeked out at him and he looked quickly away. It wasn’t that he hated the girls, but he didn’t really know what they thought of him, or JYJ for that matter. Unlike other SM artistes, SNSD had hardly spoken anything against or for JYJ. But then again, they weren’t really close in the first place.

 

On his left, Junsu shifted uncomfortably. “Do you think we’ll see Super Junior?” He asked in a soft voice.

 

“Nah. They’re in China right now.” Jaejoong answered.

 

“Oh... Then do you think we’ll see _them_?”

 

Silence and tension hung in the air as the three continued to make their way down to the room., each of them absorbed in their own thoughts. They hadn’t really thought of that yet. What were they going to say to them? Walk up and say hi? That’s was impossible. Besides, its been four years, there was no telling how things would be like now.

 

“We’re here.” The three of them were jolted from their thoughts when their escort stopped in front of a brown door and bowed to them, before retreating away, leaving the trio staring at the door in trepidation.

 

Jaejoong took a deep sigh. It wasn’t like they were meeting with the devil, so why was he so scared? The comments of the trainees’ blog came flooding back into his mind and he shook his head to get rid of them. It was no use thinking of the comments now. They’ll just affect his emotions.

 

He placed his hand on the doorknob and attempted what he hoped was a reassuring smile at Yoochun and Junsu.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

~~~

 

The trio found themselves entering a dimly lit room where six chairs were placed, three facing the other three, separated by a table. An ominous feeling lurked around the room, causing unrest among the three members.

 

“Hyung.” Junsu’s strained whisper caught his hyungs attention and they directed their attention to three of the chairs, where the trainees were sitting at, fixing hard stares at them.

 

JYJ moved forward to occupy their seats, with Jaejoong naturally in the lead being the eldest. It was like how Junsu had predicted, the tension and awkwardness in the room was so thick that you could cut it through using a scythe. The trainees continued glaring at the trio, but they just stared back back, much to the surprise of the trainees. But honestly, compared to the Death Glare Of Doom of Kim Jaejoong or Shim Changmin, it wasn’t even much.

 

“So...”

 

“We have no wish of talking to traitors.” One of the trainees, Hae Baek Gyu was it?, cut them off.

 

Yoochun flinched. Traitors?

 

“What...”

 

“You guys abandoned Yunho and Changmin, left SM Entertainment and made them get the blame while you guys acted all pathetic to gain the public’s sympathy while Yunho and Changmin were getting bashed and being called ‘dogs of SME.’”

 

Junsu raised an eyebrow. Yunho and Changmin? So the trainees were on a first name basis already? Even without the honorifics. That was fast. A pang of pain shot through his heart.

 

“We never...”

 

“Shut the fuck up. We KNOW, despite all the pathetic acts. You guys are just a money loving fucking bastards who never once cared about those two. They were just tools.”

 

That did it.

 

“Who the shit DO you think you are. You aren’t us. How do you know whether we love them or not. The fuck are you? Psychic? Not even close. Don’t joke around with me. YOU are the guys who don’t know anything.” 

 

Uh-oh. Jaejoong had finally snapped. The wrath of Kim Jaejoong was not something that people wanted to deal with.

 

The trainees smirked in response. “It’s alright. Everything is going to end soon. Ever wandered why Yunho and Changmin never answered your calls? It’s because they despise, resent, hate you.”

 

Jaejoong’s eyes widen at the statement. “No... But I thought SM...”

 

Bae Gyu snorted. “It’s because of this. If SM reveals that they hate you, Yunho and Changmin are all going to get bashed even more. But face it. They never thought of you once after you left. Everything of you brings pain to them. What are you? Sadistic? You enjoy seeing your members in pain? But it’s alright. It’s all ending now. Because they’re better off without you. And we’re taking your place.”

 

A gasp was heard through the room as Bae Gyu ended his ‘speech’. Yoochun was leaning against Junsu, sniffling, eyes suspiciously bright.

 

“That’s not true... That’s not. You’re just making it up!”

 

“No I am not. Sorry to tell you that. Face the reality. Stop being delusional. THEY. FUCKING. HATE. YOU!”

 

The trainees smirked in victory as Jaejoong crumpled to his knees in front of them, shaking uncontrollably while Yoochun buried his head in Junsu’s chest, the younger staring off into the unknown. They took sick pleasure in knowing that they had managed to break the gods of Asia, (or part of). Laughing at the pathetic state the three members were left in, the trainees turned and walked out of the room, not even bothering to say a goodbye.

 

All in 10 minutes.

 

10 minutes of in the room, 3 minutes of awkward tension. 7 minutes of shocking revelation. And the world came crushing down.

 

Jaejoong refused to believe it. Did all those years of being together meant nothing to them? Was that really how Yunho and Changmin thought of them? That was low. Too low. Maybe at the end of the day, he was the only one who was still holding onto the past, believing in ‘Always Keep The Faith’ quotes which were rallied by Cassiopeia. Believing that the bond they shared was unbreakable. Believing that one day, when all this was over and the drama had died, they would crowd around a table, bumping elbows while shifting awkwardly, unused to the sudden company of the others. But when they look deep into each other’s eyes, they’ll realize that nothing had changed, that they were still the five young boys who love each other.

 

Maybe he really was delusional, believing in a fairytale ending. Jaejoong bended his head and cried, letting out heart-wrenching sobs.

 

SMACK.

 

A loud sound resonated through the room, coming from outside despite the door being close. The trio looked at each other in surprise, before composing themselves, wiping tears and snoot off their face. Shouts came from the other side of the door and the members exchanged fearful glances without one another. Jaejoong took hesitant steps towards the door, unsure whether to open the door or not.

 

His doubts were cleared when Jung Yunho threw open the door and stormed in, followed by a fuming Changmin.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 17 - Not This Kind Of Reunion

 

Yunho stretched his back as he got up from the slightly dusty floor of the dance room while Changmin sat back and leaned against the wall, eyes closed in exhaustion. The two of them had been dragged to the practice room by their managers to practice their dance choreographies one last time before they depart for their respective filmings, be it variety shows or dramas. Both of them would be busy with their filmings for the next couple of days and wouldn’t have time to rehearse their songs’ routines, so the management decided to have them run through the songs and dance routines for the final time before dispatching them.

 

“Minnie. Minnie.”

 

Yunho walked over and poked his maknae gently at his side. Changmin cracked an eye half open lazily and peered out at his hyungs through his bangs that had now fallen in front of his eyes.

 

“We have to continue practicing.”

 

Changmin groaned and shifted away so that his back was facing Yunho. Add a bed, a blanket and a pillow and it would have been the exact same thing Yunho experienced everyday early in the morning. Yunho hid a smile to himself and continued poking Changmin, only this time with more force applied.

 

“Get up Changmin. Rest time is over.”

 

“Mm... K. Imma up.” The younger swatted Yunho’s persistent hand away, before mumbling out and pushing himself up tiredly. They had been practicing for four hours without rest already. Was asking for a 30 minutes break too much to ask? Changmin stood up and stretched his tired body, cracking his bones and shook his head to get rid of the exhaustion “Let’s go.” He sighed.

 

**Shijageun dalkomhage, pyeongbeomhage na ege kkeullyeo**

**Eonjena geuraetdeushi meonjeo mareul georeowa**

 

The song started again and Changmin felt himself being dragged back into the memories as he let his body flow with the music. He bit his lip, gasping as the pain woke him up instantly and focused on the dance moves instead. He looked at the mirror and gasped immediately. He could just so see Jaejoong standing behind him, eyebrows screwed up in focus as he attempted to perfect the moves. Could just so see Junsu dancing with his eyes  slightly close, losing himself in the music. Could just so see Yoochun somehow managing to pull off dance moves while still being half asleep with the swag that only a Park Yoochun could posses. He could see the completed band dancing together with one another.

 

“Changmin.”

 

The call of his name jolted the maknae from his inner musings and he turned to Yunho in surprise. Oh... When had the music stopped?

 

“Sorry hyung.” Changmin lowered his eyes at the sight of his hyung’s disappointed face. He had moved out of line. Again. But it really wasn’t his fault that he could see his hyungs everywhere he looked at. No matter how hard he tried, the memories of the past always lingered there. A hand on his shoulder made him look up and he found himself staring in the dark deep eyes of his hyung, understanding and sadness dancing in them.

 

“We’re dancing to Catch Me. Change of song.” Yunho instructed their back up dancers as he turned to change the song.

 

Wham.

 

The attention of those two were turned to the door almost immediately when it slammed open against the wall, questioning looks pasted on their faces as they saw Hyukjae of Super Junior panting heavily, trying to regain his breath as he stared at the duo with wide eyes.

 

“Hyuk, what’s wrong?”

 

“They’re here. They’re here.” Hyukjae gasped out, body trembling.

 

“Who’s here?” Changmin asked curiously, as he bent down to pick up a bottle of water to hydrate himself.

 

“Them. THEM. Why aren’t you with them?”

 

“Who? Hyukjae, stop talking in circles.” Yunho sighed as he eyed his dongsaeng worriedly.

 

“JYJ.”

 

Plonk.

 

Water splashed onto the shoes of the duo as the bottle hit the ground, staining them a dark wet color, but neither of them noticed. Time froze for them as they found themselves dragged back into memories. Yunho stared in shock before closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. Somehow, he was actually expecting this to happen.

 

“Why?” Changmin croaked out in a strangled voice, not noticing the absence of the bottle from his hand.

 

“They’re meeting the trainees.” Kyuhyun answered as he came up from behind Hyukjae.

 

“Trainees? Which trainees?” Changmin could only blink blankly.

 

“The trainees that were going to be added to TVXQ.”

 

Oh those trainees.

 

Yunho’s eyes flew open in shock at that statement. Now he WASN’T expecting that to happen. SM Entertainment had to be crazy to let them meet. They weren’t even supposed to let them meet. What happened to the SM Entertainment that was so bent on not letting them talk to JYJ?

 

“Shit.” He muttered as he moved towards the door, with Changmin who was now wide awake, following him. That meeting would bring disaster. It was as clear as day that the trainees hated JYJ to the depths of hell. Who knew what lies they would spin just to take pleasure in breaking JYJ. Contrary to what stans think, there was no way that Yunho and Changmin hated JYJ.

 

Tension could be felt through the hallway as waves of anger and frustration radiated off the two man, its presence dominating the entire area. Other artistes and staff alike all moved aside to make way for both of them. It was an unspoken rule that runs in SM Entertainment, what TVXQ wants, TVXQ gets. Most of the time. And this time wasn’t going to be one of the minority.

 

Changmin growled as he turned around the corner, just in time to see the trainees exciting the supposed room where the meeting with JYJ was held, with matching smirks on their faces. Those smirks said it all. Those bastards must have said something, something bad to his hyungs. Before he could react though, the trainees found themselves staring up at a 1.8m so figure.

 

“What did you say to them?” Yunho asked, a deathly edge taking upon his tone.

 

The trainees plastered a fake smile on their faces, oozing with so much aegyo that made Changmin wanted to puke right there, right now. Yet Yunho was undeterred. After being subjected to Jaejoong’s and Junsu’s aegyo for years, which were definitely able to surpass that of the trainees by a landslide, he had grown immune. Well, particularly.

 

“Nothing hyung. Besides, it’s us you guys should be worried about right?” That sickingly sweet voice shook Changmin to the core as he glared at the trainees, the hallway darkening with each passing second.

 

Yunho smirked inwardly as he noticed that the confident glint in the trainees’ eyes started to waver and injected more steel into his voice. “WHAT. DID. YOU. SAY. TO. THEM?”

 

“Hmm... Nothing much. Just... Just that... We’ll be looking after you in place of them.” The trainees casted their eyes to the floor, their once arrogant composure now gone.

 

SLAP.

 

The trainees’ eyes were widened as they slowly backed away from the angry maknae, their slow brains slowly processing what had happened. Shim Changmin had just slapped one of them. They shrunk back in fear as Changmin’s look bore holes in their heads. They could just feel the heat from his glare. Mutters started to start as a crowd began to gather around the five of them. Changmin and Yunho could feels glances thrown their way but they ignored them. After all, it wasn’t everyday you see the usual composed TVXQ’s maknae lose his temper, so both of them could understand the crowd’s curiousness. Yunho smirked to himself as he moved slightly behind Changmin, nodding to himself in sadistic pleasure. But the trainees had it coming. They had taken things too far, had not seek his warning of ‘keeping their head down’. There was no one to blame except themselves.

 

Yunho tugged his maknae’s wrist gently and tilted his head towards the door as Changmin turned his head to look at him. ‘You’ve done enough. Thank you.’ His glance conveyed his message as he started to move towards the door. After all, they had more important things to take care of.

 

The leader rested his hand on the doorknob, not unlike how Jaejoong had just done 11 minutes before. He suddenly felt a dreading feeling in his stomach’s gut. What if JYJ didn’t want to see them? What if the trainees had broken them for real this time? What if... So many questions ran in his head but he didn’t have any access to the answers. Yunho gave a start as he felt another hand resting on his. He looked up to see Changmin looking at him, the understanding and warm look conveying so many things at once. Yunho’s hand tightened his grip on the doorknob and took a deep breath. He could do this. He was about to turn the doorknob before fear struck him again and his hand went slack, staring at the doorknob as if it was poison.

 

He really couldn’t do this.

 

He wasn’t strong enough.

 

He couldn’t.

 

Changmin sighed as he watched his hyung’s conflicting emotions play across his face. He was sure that while _he_ could just throw open the door, he didn’t want to force the elder to face them. He wanted the elder to face them because he wants to, not because someone had forced him into.

 

Yunho shifted uncomfortably. He was well aware of the stares and the looks that he was getting. He probably looked like an idiot standing there doing nothing. But he didn’t dare. Yunho continued staring at his hand resting on the doorknob, mind on a rollercoaster ride. What should he do? Suddenly, his head whipped up, startling Changmin.

 

“H-hyung? What’s-”

 

“Shh.” He immediately shushed the younger as he leaned nearer to the door subconsciously. He heard something. Yunho strained his ears to pick up the muffled sounds behind the door. He was sure that he heard something. There it was! His eyes widened as he thought of the probabilities of the origin of the sound. His body steeled and he turned to the trainees who were by now cowering near the wall.

 

“Did you make them cry.” The sentence came out more as a statement than a question. The trainees shrunk back further.

 

“Did you?”

 

The trainees nodded their head reluctantly as they huddled close to each other. Pathetic, Changmin thought. Yunho’s breath caught in his throat as he imagined his brothers crying alone again, all because of untrue words. He felt his anger boiling again but pushed it down instead. Now wasn’t the time to be beating the trash out of the trainees even though he would love it. He had his brothers to console and comfort.

 

Yunho turned his back on the trainees and threw open the door immediately. All thoughts of fear and doubt disappeared from his mind when he saw the vulnerable state of his (ex) members. Jaejoong was shivering and his eyes were staring at him, piercing into his soul. Those eyes, once filled with fire, now only an empty shell. Junsu was hugging Yoochun against his body, body bent over as if protecting the fragile from something sinister. Yunho didn’t want to think of the implications. Nope, not at all. He felt his mask slam down on him immediately, unconsciously slipping into the leader mode which he had taken on more seriously after the lawsuit. Yunho felt his heart breaking yet again as Jaejoong looked away from him. Just what had the trainees told them to make them so afraid and scared?

 

Jaejoong shrunk back in fear at the view of his two (ex) members. He was unsure of what to feel. Part of him felt glad that they were alright, the other part of him felt scared for both of them were furious beyond measure.T his wasn’t supposed to be how things were. They were supposed to meet each other (again), probably on a stage with a red ocean in front of them, listening to the fans’ screams as they stand together and bow as one. Not the way as how things were as now - seeing the three of them in their most broken state. He didn’t want to believe in what the trainees’ had said, but the expression on Yunho’s face told him otherwise. The elder dropped his eyes to the ground as soon as they met the TVXQ’s leader’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the hate in his ex-leader’s eyes. but had he let his gaze lingered a little longer, he would have seen the pure love and despair in Yunho’s eyes.

 

Junsu froze at the sight of their (ex) band members, words of consolation for the trembling Yoochun dying on his lips. His throat dried as his voice box closed up. He couldn’t say anything that he wanted to say. Why were they here? Were they trying to prove that what the trainees had said were true? The younger pressed Yoochun tighter to himself as he stared at his (ex) leader in fear, before eyes moving to the maknae. Junsu allowed his eyes to roam over Changmin’s body, eyes drinking in the familiar yet unknown face that they hadn’t seen in years. Changmin had grown more mature, eyes taking on a deeper look than before. Junsu let his eyes dropped. He didn’t want to see what Changmin had become, how the lawsuit had changed his maknae, what they had done to him. What if Changmin had changed? What if he wasn’t the same maknae that loved to compete with him in video games? What if he wasn’t the same maknae that kept protested that he didn’t like the touch of men? What if he wasn’t the same maknae that loved Jaejoong’s cooking more than anything else?

 

Yoochun raised his head slightly as he felt Junsu tightened his hold. He wanted to turn and see what was going on but safely nested in the younger’s hold, he couldn’t. He felt his body chilled upon hearing the footsteps ricocheting off the room’s walls as someone walked in. Even though he couldn’t see who they were, he could guess. He didn’t want to face them, feeling the initial urge fade off and silently thanked Junsu for his tight hold on him. His mind was still reeling from the trainees’ words. How could he face Yunho and Changmin after knowing that they hated them, that all this years he had been deluding himself and nothing more. His head hurt. His heart hurt. He didn’t want to think anymore.

 

Changmin watched in horrified fascination at the scene in front of him, feeling his heart breaking into pieces and pieces slowly. His hyungs were breaking. And somehow he had suspected that Yunho and him were partially part of the cause of it. He didn’t want their reunion to be like this. It was supposed to be joyous, happy, fun. Anything but this. He couldn’t move his gaze away when Junsu looked at him. At that moment, he felt everything his hyung was feeling. The pain, sadness, betrayal, burden. Each emotion pierced his bleeding heart, grinding into the pieces to make them even smaller. This was wrong. Everything was wrong.

 

Yunho gave a start and was pulled out from his slight musings as he felt something, no someone, pushy past him forcefully, almost causing him to fall over. A soft whisper of ‘I’m sorry’ brushed past his ears, disappearing as fast as it had appeared. Jaejoong, he thought. If he had been someone else, he would have mistaken it as just the wind. But he didn’t. Because he was Jung Yunho and no one knew Kim Jaejoong better than he did. Yunho turned around just in time to catch the retreating back of Jaejoong disappearing behind the bend of the door. His heart gave a sudden jerk, pumping faster and faster against his ribcage. Somehow the scene had struck a chord in him.

 

It was like Jaejoong was leaving him all over again.

 

No, he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to leave his best friend again. Thoughts of such ran through Yunho’s mind as his feet moved without him knowing, giving chase to the running lead singer. He had let Jaejoong slip past his fingers last time. But not this time. Not again. Not ever.

 

Changmin shifted slightly as he watched Jaejoong ran out of the door, feet itching to give chase but relaxing after he saw his leader following him. If there was anyone who could talk sense in Jaejoong, it had to be Yunho. The younger bought his gaze back to the scene in front of him. By now, Junsu had dropped to his knees, bringing Yoochun along with him, both of them shaking badly as they tried to contain their sobs. Changmin ran a tired hand through his hair before making his way cautiously towards them. He had to clear up all the misunderstandings on this end while he trusted Jaejoong to Yunho.

 

He had to make everything alright again.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 18 - Never Let Go

 

Sounds of running echoed through out the corridor as people moved to the side, creating a passageway for the two man to avoid being bulldozed down by either one of them. At the speed that they were running at, the impact would really really hurt. Yunho’s heart pounded in his chest as he quickened his footsteps and increased his pace. He really wanted to talk to Jaejoong. Properly. But the said man was running too quickly for him to catch up. Damn, he thought to himself, Jaejoong must have been working out these past few years. He cursed to himself as he rounded a bend. Jaejoong has disappeared. Again. He growled subconsciously. There was NO way he was going to let Jaejoong slip past his fingers yet again. Not when he was so close, and definitely not after what had just happened. There was no way that he would let Jaejoong leave again.

 

Yunho slowed down his pace to a walk seeing there was no point in running as Jaejoong had disappeared. Where did he go to? There was only so many places in SM Entertainment that a grown man would be able to hide, and within 5 seconds. He titled his head to his side as he focused on his surroundings. A faint sound could be heard. Could that be what he thought it was? As he neared the origin of the sound, it became more and more clear. Sounds of sniffles drifted into his ear and his stomach dropped. 

 

Jaejoong had broken down behind a nearby staircase.

 

He was a mess. All the sorrow and desperation he had been holding in moments before now simply were all oozing out. The elder was hugging his legs to himself, burrowing his head in between both legs, becoming just a heap of trembling limbs on the floor, jittery with frantic gasps and heartbreaking sobs. Yunho felt anger rising in him but he pushed it down. Did the trainees push him to that point? Yunho didn’t even know what he would do to them if they really did.

 

The TVXQ leader took hesitant steps towards his (ex) lead singer, almost afraid to approach him. His once firm determination crumbled. He didn’t know what to say or to do now. What if he said the wrong thing and broke Jaejoong even more? Maybe even his presence here already upset him. Still, Yunho inched slowly to the elder and  sat down on the side of him.

 

Jaejoong had stiffened when he felt someone’s presence near him. It must be Yunho. The TVXQ leader was surprisingly persistent as he chased him down when Jaejoong ran out of the room. Secretly, he had been glad the younger had decided to chase after him. It was almost like Yunho was proving the trainees’ words wrong. However, part of him was worried. What if Yunho really had chased him down just to prove them right.

 

He didn’t want to let Yunho see him now. Not in this state. He resembled a true aversion towards life.

 

He hugged his legs closer to his body, trying to compress himself as much as he could as the presence made itself more (another word for obvious). What was Yunho going to do to him? Would he rain accusations (he couldn’t call the truths accusations actually) after accusations on him? Would he punch him? Would he just ignore him?

 

Yunho looked at the broken man in front of him and sighed. He moved over and sat down beside him, inwardly grimacing to himself when the elder stiffened further, if that was even possible. He casted a quick glance at his (ex) lead singer. The man was so still that he could simply blend in among a garden of garden gnomes. The silence hung in the air, threatening to explode any moment. Yunho took a deep breath and swallowed nervously. Looks like it was up to him to break the ice.

 

“The... The trainees... what did they say to you?”

 

The question hung in the air as an awkward tension enveloped them yet again. Yunho turned his head to focus on Jaejoong who hadn’t even moved a single muscle. He let let his eyes run over the familiar features that he missed so much. He hadn’t seen the man in years.

 

Jaejoong’s cheeks had sunk, even more than before. Yunho knew, without a doubt, that the elder had been drowning himself in seas of alcohol, and perhaps also airs of smoke. How could he not know? After all, it was Yunho and Changmin who were the rational ones, steering the soulmates away from the cliff of destruction when they ventured too near the edge. Now, the job fell onto Junsu, and it was as clear as anyone that while Junsu cares for his members, he lacks the strictness that only the duo possess. 

 

The elder’s taunt muscles were clearly shown thanks to his clothing. Judging from how much he had gained, Jaejoong must have lost himself working out again. Either that or he buried himself among his works. The (ex) lead singer of TVXQ had unique ways when it came to dealing with loneliness. He’ll either be somewhere alone by himself, or mingle within a crowd, yet being as anonymous as the person next to him. It was always either on both ends for the elder, never in the middle. Yunho’s eyes noted the change in the elder. His eyes were dim, his smiles no longer meet his eyes, his voice sounded dead. But then again, they were all the same.

 

“Do... do you hate us?” Yunho drew his attention back when Jaejoong finally answered the question, in an indirect manner though.

 

Yunho laughed, why did it sound so bitter, and thought the nights when Changmin would come crawling to his room, pleading and being for JYJ not to hate them for not going with them spilling out of his mouth, the nights where he and Changmin would sit together and ponder over their feelings and emotions.

 

“We... we tried.” Yunho could see Jaejoong’s eyes drooping even more. “We tried. But we couldn’t.”

 

“You should have. It would have made things more easier.” Jaejoong replied in a small voice.

 

“We should have.” Yunho agreed. “But somehow, we couldn’t bring ourselves to. I guess we love you guys too much for that.”

 

“... You idiots.”

 

“Aren’t we all?”

 

“Yeah.” Jaejoong agreed.

 

Yunho smiled at his answer. He couldn’t disagree further. He stretched his right hand out and smiled inwardly when Jaejoong’s left hand met his halfway. It had always been like this between them. No matter where they are, they would always meet each other halfway. After all, they were the halves of each other. They would find each other no matter where they were. They complete each other.

 

“The... sentence... that you guys gave. Was it really your thoughts?” Yunho asked.

 

Jaejoong tensed. He knew what Yunho was asking about. To be honest, he had already been expecting for that question to pop up, it was just a matter of time.

 

“No, it wasn’t. Please don’t blame Yoochun and Junsu for it. It was simply based on my own decision. They had nothing to do with it. I just thought... that... since new trainees were being added to the group, I just thought... that maybe we should stop holding onto the past. The lawsuit was holding you guys down, you guys couldn’t go all out and show them how you really are. And so I just thought that we should stop the lawsuit and have SM Entertainment to cancel our contracts because they were also a burden. But I swear that wasn’t how I wanted it to come out as. You know that we would give ANYTHING to be reunited with you guys. And we dropped hints and messages through twitter, but you guys didn’t have it so we did it through interviews and I thought that it wasn’t enough and it’s just that...” Jaejoong was aware that he was rambling on and on, but he really wanted Yunho to understand. JYJ still loved them. They never stopped loving them.

 

Yunho pulled the elder into a hug, effectively silencing Jaejoong. The younger tightened his hold as Jaejoong dropped his head on Yunho’s shoulder, body trembling.

 

“It’s alright. We understand.” He said as he rubbed soothingly on _his_ lead singer’s back, calming him. Jaejoong pulled away from Yunho’s hold, hands still linked, eyes searching for answers in the leader’s eyes.

 

“But you were... reckless? brave? Sending those messages through the media.”

 

“I had no choice, you know.” Jaejoong pouted. “Both of you refused to get twitter.”

 

“Can you imagine what would happen if Changmin ever gets twitter?” Yunho laughed. “He would either be tweeting food of what he wants to eat or just ate, or just be spamming you with requests for food.”

 

“That would be nice.” The singer smiled bitterly.

 

“You’ll have to appease him with a few years worth of food to gain his complete forgiveness.” Yunho said thoughtfully.

 

“I’ll cook him a lifetime of food if I have to.” Jaejoong answered seriously.

 

“Then you’ll have Junsu complaining about you being unfair.” The younger laughed.

 

“And Yoochun will pout me to death.”

 

A comfortable silence fell between them. Jaejoong shifted his body to look at Yunho and the TVXQ leader held his gaze.

 

“And you? What about you Yunho?” He asked.

 

“I’ll be with you. I’ll never let you go again now that I have found you. Any of you.” Yunho tightened his hold of Jaejoong’s hand with the promise.

 

Jaejoong felt warmth coursing through his veins at the leader’s words. For how long had he yearned to hear the words? He didn’t doubt _his_ leader’s words one bit. They smiled at each other, basking in each other’s presence.

 

“You two made up!”

 

“You have to be better than that, Yunho hyung. Do it like me. ‘O, my love, nothing will ever tear us apart again, for this eternal love between us will blossom even in the harshest conditions or amidst a garden of weeds.’”

 

“.... Yoochun hyung, that really was over the top. Too greasy.”

 

The moment was broken as three familiar voices drifted into their ears. Both males turned their attention to the origins. Jaejoong gasped as he allowed his eyes to ghost over a tall figure standing in between two others. _It’s been too long._ Their three dongsaengs were standing in front of them. Junsu had his eyes bathing in tears, Yoochun’s mouth was up in a firm smirk and Changmin looking.... well, how a child would look after watching his parents being cheesy with each other.

 

“I agree with Changmin, Chunnie ah. That was just too greasy.” A true laugh escaped from Yunho, unlike the ones that he had been smiling for the cameras - the forced ones.

 

“Of course, hyung. How could a genius like me ever be -” Changmin found himself being tackled to the ground by a heap of limbs before he could complete his sentence. Jaejoong was clinging onto the maknae with all his might, as if Changmin was his final lifeline, hugging the man tightly.

 

Changmin struggled to push Jaejoong but to no avail, the elder man was clinging to him like a koala. “Jaejoong hyung, get off me! I don’t like men! YUNHO HYUNG HELP!”

 

Yunho shrugged helplessly to the maknae. He himself was being groped from both front and behind by Yoochun and Junsu who were clinging onto _their_ leader in a manner that was similar to Jaejoong’s. How could he save the maknae when he himself was in need of saving.

 

Changmin sighed and surrendered himself to his sad fate, but with a smile never leaving his face.

 

_This is how we are supposed to be. With one another._

 

* * *

 

Chapter 19 - The Years That Had Passed

 

Changmin turned his body slightly and watched the retreating back of his hyungs as they ran past him, eyes never facing their figures till they rounded the bend of the corner. He didn’t expect them to meet in such a way. He didn’t think the others would have expected this also. Being on stage, standing side by side with each other, microphones in hand and a wonderful red ocean in front of them. Yup, that was the ideal reunion, which was no where near what he was facing now.

 

_Please Yunho hyung, please._

 

If there was anyone who could bring Jaejoong back, Changmin have no doubts that it would be his Yunho hyung. And now to do his part, Changmin turned his eyes back on his two hyungs huddled together, his heart breaking with every second passing.

 

Changmin moved slowly towards his hyungs, taking cautious steps, the fissure deepening as he watch his hyungs flinched and move closer to the wall with every step he took. He really wanted to stop and just leave everything be, or just run out the room, unable to see his hyungs’ broken statures, but that would just be running away and everything they had would crumble into pieces and ruins, never to be put back again. Thanks to the trainees, he thought to himself, unconsciously letting out a growl.

 

Yoochun heard Changmin growl and instinctively pressed himself closer to Junsu, head still buried in Junsu’s chest. He was scared of what was to come. Was Changmin truly pissed? The maknae’s wrath was something that was well-known throughout the entire SM Town, and indeed something to be feared. And he didn’t want to experience that, doubled with hatred and all. Junsu kept his eyes on the ground, afraid to lift them up to meet Changmin’s gaze. _Traitors._ _Abandoned. Dogs of SME._ He didn’t even want to think what Yunho and Changmin dealt with, all because of their selfishness of leaving them behind. Was everything that he had hoped for just a fairy tale ending? There were times when uncertainty and doubt would filter in through his mind, pushing him to the edge of insanity just by wondering whether the two brothers they left behind _hated_ them, what they were doing, what they had felt. And then there were those times when he would just sit himself in front of his laptop and rewatch the shows they film together and believe that nothing in the world that could break their bonds. And there might have been times like this.

 

Changmin moved closer towards them and lowered himself gently onto the floor, so as not to startle them further, until he was at the same eye level as Yoochun and Junsu. His eyes raked over their figures hungrily. How long has it been since they last met them? They had grown thinner. So much thinner. He reached out for them unconsciously, halting in his movements and drawing back his hand hastily when he realized what he had been about do to. He was reaching out for them, for _his_ hyungs. It was kind of unfair, the entire situation. He should be the one sitting there, crying his heart out. Not them. He should be the one with all the insecurities plaguing him day in day out. Not them. He should be the one shying away from them, trying to avoid them at all cost. Not the other way round. After all, he was the one who got left behind. _By_ them. So why had the situation changed? He stared at his hyungs, not knowing what to say to them, speaking the first thing that came to his mind.

 

“We never did hate you. We couldn’t...”

 

Yoochun felt his heart jump at Changmin’s words. They didn’t... they didn’t hate them? Not even on bit? And all these times, all these years, Yoochun had been worrying himself over this, only for his fears to be appeased by a single sentence from a single men when countless of people had tried to console him. What an irony.

 

Junsu stilled. As expected of tensai Changmin, he smiled to himself. Still a step in front of his hyungs. Still being able to understand what was going on through his hyungs’ minds without even asking. And Junsu couldn’t have been prouder of what the young maknae had grown out to be.

 

“Why didn’t you? Life would have been so much easier if you just hated us.” Yoochun asked. He had, by now, crawled out of Junsu’s embrace in an attempt to get a better look at _his_ maknae. Oh, how much he had missed the younger.

 

“We tried... We really did. On nights when Yunho hyung would just sit next to the window and stare outside, on nights when I would just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, on nights where we would just sit together in silence, doing nothing. We tried our best to hate you, to push all the blame onto you guys, to make it seem as if we were the victims in this. But we just couldn’t. The pain still lingered, hyung-deul. Especially in the morning, when our breakfast just consisted of cereal and milk coz neither of us know how to make a proper meal. Especially in the car or when we return back to the dorms, only to find ourselves embraced by a veil of silence. And especially, especially, hyung-deul, it tears both of us to stand on stage and look to the right of us.... only to see empty spaces. It hurts so much. Do you know hyung-deul, that we still have Jaejoong hyung’s apron? Junsu hyung, your playstation? And Yoochun hyung, we still have your piano scores. It’s not that we’ve never tried to throw them out. We try every single day. But every time we tried, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to do it. Don’t you understand hyung-deul? It’s because both Yunho hyung and I, we love the three of you so much. We never stopped.”

 

It was almost like Changmin was in a trance, eyes distant and voice hollow, recounting a story that didn’t belong to him. Junsu kept his eyes trained on Changmin, heart slowly cracking as he shifted neared to their maknae, Yoochun just beside him. He was so afraid that if he ever let Changmin out of his sight for even one second, Changmin will vanish forever and Junsu would never be able to find the younger again.

 

“Why hyung? Why did you leave?”

 

Yoochun’s and Junsu’s heart almost stopped. So this was it. This was where Changmin would start raining insults after insults on them. This was where JYJ’s dreams would get crushed. This was where Changmin would finally start proclaiming his hatred for them. But what they never expected was the next sentence, which simply finished the crack that was running down their hearts, officially separating it into two.

 

“Why didn’t you bring us along? Why didn’t you bring _me_ along? You promised that we would stay together right? You promised, so why? Yunho hyung almost drank himself to death one day after you guys left. Do you know how scared I was then? It was almost like Yunho hyung was committing suicide in front of me. My last hyung. I don’t want to be left alone. But you guys left... Hyung. You promised that you wouldn’t. You promised. So why? Why?”

 

Junsu couldn’t hold it back anymore. He drew Changmin into an embrace, sandwiching the maknae between Yoochun and himself, arms wrapping around the younger protectively. Yoochun rocked the maknae back and forth in between him and Junsu, all the while stroking Changmin’s hair as the latter buried his head into Yoochun’s neck.

 

“Oh god... We’re so sorry.... So sorry. We never meant for it to happen like that.” Junsu mumbled apologies after apologies, feeling tears surging once more. He placed his hand over Yoochun’s, which was gripping Changmin’s tightly, as if sealing a promise on his life. “Never again.”

 

Changmin relaxed in his hyungs’ embrace. “Hyung... I’m fine. You can let go now.” He murmured as the embarrassment of the scene started to dawn on him. What would happen if somebody walked in on them like that? Shim Changmin does NOT get cuddled by his hyungs. Definitely not.

 

“No. You’re not.” Junsu tightened his hold on Changmin further. “Don’t be selfish Minnie ah, let us share some of our love with you.” Yoochun added on.

 

“Oh my god, NO hyungs. I don’t like men!” Changmin struggled against them as he felt Yoochun’s hands started to go lower. “HYUNG-DEUL!” He protested as his pleas to be released went ignored. He sighed in defeat and rested his head against Yoochun’s chest.

 

“So... does this mean that I get to eat Jaejoong hyung’s cooking again?” He asked.

 

“You ass! We haven’t seen you for so long and that’s the first thing you want to do?” Junsu cried out as he smacked Changmin’s head gently.

 

“You have to understand hyung. I have been living with Yunho hyung’s cooking for 3 years! You know he can’t cook! There was this time when he added sugar instead of salt into the soup and we got weird tasting sweet kimchi sugar! And there was this other time when he left the pizza in the oven along and it became burnt and I had to forgo dinner! And there was also this time when...”

 

Junsu and Yoochun laughed as their maknae rambled on and on about how Yunho failed to fill his stomach everyday and the horrors of living with the leader’s cooking. The pianist sighed and rested himself against the wall, watching the scene with nostalgic eyes before something clicked in his mind.

 

“Wait.” He interrupted the maknae’s ramble. “You said that Yunho almost drank himself to death. What did you mean?”

 

Changmin paused in his speech, eyes staring at his hyungs. He remembered that day so clearly as if that scene had just happened minutes ago. “Well... It’s... Hmm...” Changmin started stammering. He cursed to himself because DAMN IT. SHIM CHANGMIN DOES NOT STAMMER. “It’s nothing really.”

 

“Changmin. Please.” The pleading tone in Junsu’s voice weakened his will.

 

“Oh alright.” Damn it. He was getting soft.

 

“It happened.... well... When Shinhwa released their comeback album, we were all so happy for them. Everyone in SM Town, even EXO who didn’t really know them that well. We had a mini celebration for our sunbaes, out of the company building of course. Because I had already promised Kyuhyun that I would stay over at Super Junior’s dorm, Yunho hyung went home first. But half way through the night, I just felt that... something wasn’t right. You know, those kind of feels? Well, I decided to head home to see if everything was alright. And when I arrived, Yunho hyung was...”

 

Changmin trailed off, staring at the ground as he remembered his hyung’s broken figure that night.

 

“How was he, Changmin?” Yoochun prompted gently. Changmin looked back at his hyungs, who bite back a gasp. Changmin’s eyes had gone distant again.

 

“He was sitting on the sofa, surrounded by cans of beer. I think there were six or seven empty cans... He was just staring at the space. And mumbling ‘I should have protected them.’ and ‘Why couldn’t I do what Eric did - keep the members together’ and ‘I have failed. I’m useless.’ and somewhere along those lines. Oh hyung, I was so scared, he was delirious and burning from fever and he just kept blaming himself and he was drunk and I was so scared that he had damaged his liver and... and...”

 

Changmin’s voice cracked as tears started forming in his eyes. Junsu stared at the maknae in shock. The picture that he painted for them, it wasn’t their leader right? It couldn’t be. Yunho was strong, tough and determined. It just couldn’t be.

 

“But it’s alright now.” Yoochun and Junsu were bought back into reality by Changmin’s soft voice. The maknae smiled at them.

 

“Because we are together now, aren’t we?”

 

“Yeah. We are.” Yoochun smiled as he stood up and stretched. “Come.” He extended his hand towards Changmin and Junsu who stood up behind him, did the same. “Let’s go find that two idiotic hyungs whom we love so dearly.”

 

Changmin stared at the hands extended out in front of him, a warm feeling rushing through him. He took their hands and stood up.

 

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 20 - Love In The Ice

 

Jaejoong sighed in content as he leaned back against Yunho’s chest, entangling his legs with Junsu as Changmin rested his head on his lap. Yoochun was playing with Junsu’s hair as he entangled his leg with Changmin.

 

“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” Yunho asked

 

Jaejoong reached behind to smack Yunho’s head gently. “Stop wallowing leader-ssi.”

 

“I’m not wallowing! Just stating the facts.” Yunho protested while rubbing the spot where Jaejoong had hit.

 

“Then stop stating the obvious facts, hyung. The only one who needs that is Junsu.” Changmin drawls lazily.

 

“Yah! Shim Changmin! Are you calling me slow? And where are your manners?” Junsu screeched.

 

“Yes I just did. Honestly Junsu ah, you are very slow.” Changmin replied.

 

Yoochun, sensing that yet another heated argument brewing, interrupted. “Yunho hyung. Are we eating soon?”

 

“Ask the band umma.”

 

“Yah! Aren’t you also in charge of them? Band _appa_?” Jaejoong retaliated.

 

“But _jagiya_ , you are the one in charge of cooking.” Yunho answered.

 

“Since when?”

 

“Because my cooking will end up poisoning them all. Surely you don’t want your dongsaengs to die?”

 

“UMMA PLEASE COOK FOR US!”

 

“Yah! Shim Changmin! I am not your umma! Besides, you guys just ate!”

 

Silence fell over them again as they lapsed into a comfortable routine. There never had been a need for words between them, just simply basking in each other’s presence. It really has ben a long time. Yunho smiled to himself as he snaked his arms around Jaejoong’s waist. It was too thin. Too thin for his liking. He nuzzled the lead singer’s neck, enjoying the warmth radiating off the latter’s skin as Jaejoong stroked Changmin’s hair, humming a soft melody, his soothing voice drifting over them. Junsu had, by now, lifted the sleepy maknae’s shirt and start doodling random drawings onto his stomach with his fingers, tracing the younger’s stomach muscles, ignoring the younger’s soft sleepy protests.

 

*click*

 

They look up at the shuttering sound of a camera, only to see a grinning Yoochun holding his phone. Jaejoong covered his smile with his hand. The younger had learned well from him.

 

“Come over here, Chunnie ah.” Yunho called, extending his hand as he shifted his body so that Jaejoong was leaning on one side. Yoochun (gently) threw his phone onto the sofa before all but clambering into the leader’s lap, resting his head against his shoulder.

 

*flashback*

 

“Let’s go.” Yunho suddenly said, gently leading Jaejoong out into the open, out from the safety of the shadows. Jaejoong immediately pulled back, eyes darting to and fro, as if scanning around for any signs of danger.

 

“It’s going to be alright.” Changmin reassured him, one hand slung around Junsu’s neck and the other one on Yoochun’s back, pushing them forward. “We’ll protect you.”

 

JYJ took hesitant steps towards the corridor, heads automatically lowering and eyes trained on the ground. Yunho and Changmin guided them towards the entrance, each one flanking the sides of their members.

 

Junsu tensed as he felt eyes staring at them. It was unnerving. Whispers started to rise again as they passed the company’s staffs. Yoochun gulped nervously hearing the whispers. He felt himself chill as they walked through crowds of trainees, staff and idols alike, each one stopping in their individual activities to stare at the groups. Jaejoong trembled slightly as whispers of ‘traitors’ and ‘hatred’ and ‘spoiling them’ drift into their ears, all immediately stopping when Changmin let out a growl.

 

“Just where do you think you are going.” A stern voice pierced through the tense silence that had engulfed the atmosphere, like a knife cutting through a cake. JYJ tensed. Changmin narrowed his eyes. Yunho simply just sighed to himself.

 

‘Go on first. I’ll deal with this.’ Yunho motioned to Changmin. The latter nodded his head in understanding, even though he was wondering what the leader could do, and continued to usher JYJ out of the company.

 

“Stop them.” The voice commanded. The staff started to move towards the group, only to fall back immediately when Changmin’s glare was diverted towards them. Yunho’s eyes followed his group, never once leaving them until they disappeared behind the closing of the doors. It was then he turned back to face the origin of the voice.

 

“Jung Yunho. I demand an explanation for this.” Kim Young Min demanded.

 

Yunho sighed before raising his eyes to look at the company’s CEO. He wasn’t going to back out of _this_ fight.

 

“Don’t you think it’s time to end this?” Yunho asked. Kim Young Min raised an eyebrow in question. “The lawsuit against CJES? Interfering with JYJ’s broadcasting activities?” Yunho prompted.

 

“We never tried to interfere with their -” The CEO tried to protest but was cut off by Yunho.

 

“Blocking them with television broadcasting stations? Cutting off Junsu’s segments? Seriously? How many times have you banned them from appearing on television. ‘We will prevent all other artistes from appearing on television if you allow JYJ to appear.’ That’s very childish of you.”

 

“Hey. Wait a minute now -” Kim Young Min tried to get a word it but the TVXQ’s leader was on a roll.

 

“While I do understand where you are coming from? Don’t you think you already had your revenge? 3 years is really a long time. It’s time to stop this. And Baek Chang Joo isn’t doing anything good either. Aish. The two of you are just like two kids fighting over who gets to use the playground slide first. And the final result? Both sides end up losing money over lawsuits, our fans gets disbanded - one side blaming CJES, one side blaming SM Entertainment, another side blaming JYJ, another side blaming Changmin and I and one side being neutral (which really is the minority). What you guys are doing is simply shifting the blame on each other. It’s a never-ending cycle unless one of you takes the initiative and end it but it seems clear that neither side is willing to, which leaves me with no choice but to do this.”

 

**(A/N: this are my own thoughts. because i am tire of seeing cassies blaming either side, or fanwars starting all over again. just saying, i blame nobody. if i have to blame someone, then i’ll blame everyone involved. yes, including JYJ, CJES, Homin, SME and Cassies. After all, it takes two hands to clap. or in this case, five hands.)**

 

“Do what?” The CEO asked, staring at the TVXQ’s leader.

 

“Either you drop all lawsuits against JYJ and CJES and allow them to appear on television and don’t interfere with them anymore or Changmin and I will leave the company immediately.” Yunho said with a straight face.

 

A gasp went up from the listening audience but Yunho ignored them. “I know that both of us are one of the groups that bring in the highest revenue for the company and if we leave, the sales for the company will drop drastically. But you leave us with no choice. Also, trying to add new trainees or members into our group will also cause us to leave. And we also have a few more conditions.”

 

“Which are?” Kim Young Min asked weakly. He had, by now, given up on trying to interrupt Yunho or putting in a few words of his own.

 

“As what I have mentioned, no interference with JYJ’s activities whatsoever and adding of new trainees or members in TVXQ is not allowed. The rest of the conditions are we will be allowed to keep in contact with JYJ, do collaborations with them, guest on television shows with them. They are after all, our members. Leaving the company does not mean that they had left the group. And also, to cut down on the number of shows that we have to do. Changmin is barely getting any rest and is on the edge of exhaustion and close to fainting. And surely you don’t want Cassiopeia to come after you. We also would like to answer interviews ourselves, and supply them with the truth or what we want them to know. Not what _you_ want them to know.”

 

“These are my conditions. And the choice rests in your hand. Either you accept them with no negotiations or Changmin and I will leave the company immediately. Your choice. I expect a reply from you within three days.” Yunho ended his speech, staring down at the CEO who suddenly looked like he had aged a few years.

 

An applause from the back of the audience caught their attention and they turned to see Lee Soo Man walking towards them, hands clasped together.

 

“Well done, Yunho ah. It seems like you really have matured. As expected of the leader of the group that is the King of SM Entertainment.” He said, with a hint of pride in his voice. “I agree with your conditions.”

 

“But seongsaengnim-” Kim Young Min protested weakly.

 

“Give it up Young Min ah. There’s no way you can win this fight. Yunho ah is very protective of his members. Let them go.”

 

The SM Entertainment’s CEO nodded his head tiredly and gave his consent, before turning his attention to the audience and commanded them to leave for their individual activities.

 

“Thank you, seongsaengnim.” Yunho said gratefully, bowing a full 90-degree bow before turning on his heel and walked away. He did it. Before he managed to exit the building, he passed by the Super Junior members who gave him a thumbs up and a pat on his back. He finally did it.

 

“Rrrriiiinnnng.”

 

Yunho fished his phone out of his pocket as he crossed the street in front of his company, looking left and right, being wary of the incoming traffic.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Yunho hyung.” Changmin’s voice drifted into his ears. “We are at Jaejoong hyung’s restaurant. The one nearest to our company.”

 

“Alright. I’ll be there in a while.” The elder answered as he began making his way to the destination.

 

 

Yunho found himself arriving to an awkward atmosphere. His members were sitting in a circle, but with Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu squished on one end and Changmin on the other, an very obvious gap in between. Changmin flashed his leader a helpless smile as the latter made his way towards the table, squeezing himself in between Yoochun and Jaejoong, forcing Junsu to shift closer to Changmin.

 

**(A/N. The sitting arrangement is like this. Changmin, Jaejoong, Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu. They are sitting in a circle)**

 

“I’ve ordered your food already.” Changmin told the leader, receiving a smile in acknowledgement.

 

Yunho looked around the table as they waited for their food to arrive. Jaejoong was fiddling with his phone, Junsu on his gameboy while Yoochun was playing with the table cloth. His maknae was simply staring out of the window, refusing to look at any of them. It looks like things were still awkward despite having clearing up the doubts of hating each other. They needed time to heal.

 

Changmin’s gasp of happiness indicated the arrival of food and Yunho turned his attention from his messy thoughts to the plate of food in front of him, mouth watering. How long had it been since he had a proper meal? About three weeks, he reminded himself. They had been busy with the promotions and everything.

 

Jaejoong looked on with worry at his maknae as he stared at the plate, looking as if he could just devour the entire plate right there, right then, along with the entire table. Changmin wolfed down his plate in hunger, ignoring the stares from the three hyungs who he hadn’t seen in a while. His stomach had been growling ever since morning and now it was currently 6.30pm in the evening. He finished his plate within minutes and stared at it mournfully, wishing that another plate of food could just appear with a ‘poof’ in front of him.

 

A plate was pushed towards him from the side and he looked up to see _his_ Jaejoong hyung pushing his own plate of food towards him.

 

“Eat Changmin ah. I’m not really hungry.” Jaejoong said, keeping his eyes down on the table.

 

Changmin felt warmth flowing through his veins at this simply act of love that his hyung was showing him. He grasped Jaejoong’s hand tightly, making the elder look up in surprise.

 

“It’s alright, Jaejoong hyung. You eat it. You’re too thin anyway.” He said, pushing the food back to his hyung.

 

“Minnie is right, Jae ah. YOU should eat more.” Yunho agreed from the other side of Jaejoong.

 

“But Changmin is so thin... You hadn’t been feeding him properly, Yunho ah.”

 

“He only eats your food.”

 

“Therefore, Changmin should eat more.”

 

“Hyung, it’s really ok. You eat.”

 

“No. You eat.”

 

“Jae, just eat.”

 

“But Changmin-”

 

“It’s alright. Really hyung.”

 

“No. You eat.”

 

“No. YOU eat.”

 

“No. YOU eat.”

 

“Kim Jaejoong. As, your leader, I command you to EAT.”

 

“But our maknae-”

 

“Hyung!”

 

Yoochun watched in amusement as the plate of food was being passed back and forth in between the eldest and the youngest, before deciding to save the plate from further torture.

 

“Aish. Can’t you guys just order another set of food?” He threw his hands up in exasperation and called for the waiter. “Sorry sir, can you get this two idiots over here a set of Set A and one more set of Set B please.”

 

Jaejoong, Yunho and Changmin flushed red in embarrassment and tried to preoccupy themselves and _hey, the table looks really interesting._ A chuckle caught their attention and a thud sound. Junsu had fallen off his chair onto the ground laughing.

 

“Yah. Junsu hyung. It’s not THAT funny.”

 

“Oh god... My stomach... Hahahaha. Yes it is. Hahahaha.” Junsu spluttered with laughter and Yoochun joined the younger, giggling, much to the further embarrassment of the three members.

 

“It was a miracle that the plate didn’t drop on the floor.” Junsu gasped as he tried to regain his breath from too much laughing, and accepted the helping hand that Yunho had extended.

 

“Shut up Junsu ah.” Jaejoong said, poking at the food.

 

“Jae. The food is meant to be eaten. Not poked.” Yunho deadpanned. “Eat.”

 

“Yes, leader ssi.” Jaejoong smiled as the title rolled off his tongue easily.

 

Dinner passed in more laughter and relaxed silence, a drastic difference from the initial atmosphere.

 

“There’s a piano at the back of the restaurant.” Yoochun said as he got up from his seat. The rest smiling to themselves and following the pianist.

 

Yoochun settled himself on the piano seat, and positioned his hands, eyes closing as his hands flew over the keyboard automatically, playing the first song that came to mind. His eyes flew open when he recognized the tune, but his hands never ceased playing. It was as if they weren’t his to control.

 

Junsu drew a sharp breath when he heard the tune. Why was Yoochun playing this song?

 

**Ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahh ah ah ahhh**

 

Jaejoong turned to his right when a soft voice started singing, only to see Changmin with his eyes closed, the beginning of the song flowing from his mouth easily. He smiled and officially started the song.

 

**Tsumetai sono te kimi no seijanai**

**Osonaki hibi hotta kizukakae**

 

Changmin smiled as Jaejoong started singing.

 

**Dare ga wo aisuru koto wo soreteru no**

**Kotoba no uragawa se wa mukete**

 

Playing the piano while singing was no easy feat, but Yoochun was a seasoned pianist. He got do it easily.

 

**Dakeshimeta kokoro ga koori no you ni**

**Sotto toke dasu**

 

Jaejoong closed his eyes, basking in the music and the voices that he had missed so much.

 

**Dare mo ga dare ka ni aisareru tame ni**

**Kono you ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa**

 

The first duet of the song by Junsu and Yunho, and yet despite three years of not harmonizing, their voices blended in beautifully.

 

**Sore ga moshimo boku nara**

**Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo**

**Towa no yasashisa de atatameru yo**

 

**Ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahh ah ah ahhh**

 

Yoochun blinked away his tears and they pricked at his eyes and a hand landed on his shoulder. He turned only to see his soulmate smiling at him gently and he smiled back, getting ready for his part while Jaejoong’s closely followed his before their duet together.

 

**Unmei no itazura**

 

**Kokoro wo itametemo**

 

**Sono namida no saki ni wa**

 

Yunho and Changmin smiled at each other. The other three held their breaths. It had been so long since they last heard the leader and the maknae duet together in life.

 

**Hitosuji no hikari ga**

 

**Yami no naka maiorite**

 

**Bokura wa kizukusa**

 

Jaejoong smiled as the fading notes of Homin’s duet lingered in the air, signaling the beginning of his own part and then Junsu’s and his duet.

 

**Kurushi hodo ni tsuyouku kanjiaeru hito no nukumori**

 

**Dare mo ga omotteru kanashimi ya kodoku**

**Iyashite moraeru basho sagashiteiru**

 

Yunho and Jaejoong stared at each other, before moving closer to each other, hands touching and their couple rings clinking. It had been so long.

 

**Sou kimi ni wa sono bashou ga koko ni aru sa wo sorenaide**

**Mou mayowanaide boku ga mamoru**

 

**Ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh**

 

Junsu’s voice rang through the room, drifting out into the restaurant as diners and staff alike turned towards the small room as the singers reached the climax of the song.

 

**Setsunai hodo ([Jaejoong]my heart)**

**Utsukushii ai dakara ([Yunho]oh don't be afraid)**

**Hakanai hodo ([Changmin]let yo know my love)**

**Uruwa shii kono toki wo ([Yoochun]you know, let you know my love...)**

 

The five of them smiled at each other before opening their mouths together, wanting to hear the final result.

 

**Dare mo ga dare ka ni aisareru tame ni**

**Kono you ni inochi wo kiramekaseru no sa**

**Sore ga moshimo boku nara**

**Mou ichido kimi no kokoro wo**

**Towa no yasashisa de atatameru yo**

 

**Ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah aahhhh**

 

The song ended, the last of the fading piano notes still in the air as silence fell over them.

 

“Well... That was nice.” Yoochun said in awe. “We should do that more often.”

 

The rest agreed, minds still playing the last part of their song. Their voices had blended in at once without much effort, even though it was rusty at first. It was as if they hadn’t been separated at all.

 

Yunho looked around him once more, taking in the scene of Changmin laughing at a joke that Junsu had said and Jaejoong and Yoochun smiling at them softly, before moving in to tickle the young and the younger.

 

They had been broken. But now, they were starting to heal.

 

*flashback ends*

 

A jab from the side jolted the leader from his thoughts and he found four pairs of eyes staring at him.

 

“What?” He asked, looking around in confusion.

 

Changmin sighed in mock exasperation. “See? I told you Yunho hyung was getting old. He even has white hair now. Anyway, we were discussing about the future?”

 

Yunho laughed, earning himself questioning looks from his members.

 

“What’s there to discuss? We’ll continue to promote as two separate groups, but we’ll have collaborations from time to time. SM Entertainment has allowed us to keep in contact with each other and appear on television shows together.”

 

“But I thought SM Entertainment had banned us.” Junsu asked, confused.

 

“Oh. They retracted their ban.”

 

“What did you do?” Jaejoong squeezed Yunho’s hands tightly.  
  
“Nothing much.” Yunho tried to evade the questions but his members wouldn’t let him go. “Fine. I threatened that Changmin and I would leave the company immediately if they didn’t agree.”

 

And that earned him three smacks and a whistle.

 

“Yah! That was reckless you know!”

 

“Hyung! You were putting your career on the line!”

 

“What if they didn’t agree?”

 

“Good job Yunho hyung. I don’t think Kim Youngmin was in any place to disagree.”

 

“SHIM CHANGMIN! You’re supposed to be siding with us, not with him.”

 

“But everything is alright isn’t it?” Yunho said, giggling as the commotion quietened down. “But I still think that you guys should move back in with us, else Changmin and I will die from hunger.”

 

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” Jaejoong smiled.

 

Junsu and Yoochun nodded in agreement, as they settled back into the arrangement they were in before they had to move to smack their idiotic leader ssi.

 

Thoughts of the near future drifted through their minds, and the obstacles and difficulties that came with it, but who cares about them now. All that matters is that they were together now and nothing is ever going to break them apart again.

 

Because TVXQ is Kim Jaejoong, Jung Yunho, Park Yoochun, Kim Junsu and Shim Changmin.

 

 

> _I don't know if they are watching this or not, but just in case they are, I would like to tell these two friends that I love them. - Jaejoong_
> 
>  
> 
> _It was an inevitable choice we had to make to secure TVXQ’s authenticity. It’s TVXQ Act II now, and Act III will begin when the three members resolve the problems with our management company and come back (SM Entertainment) - Yunho_
> 
>  
> 
> _Its not important who gets to use the name TVXQ right now, we three were and still are TVXQ, all five are members of TVXQ. - Yoochun_
> 
>  
> 
> _Even though we are still DBSK now, we are always waiting for the day when we can stand on stage again together - Junsu_
> 
>  
> 
> _I believe that we are here today because of the precious times that 5 of us had together. Please protect our precious memories to be untainted. - Changmin_


End file.
